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The Unofficial Rookie Advisory

Even if people actually read the official FAQ1)2) and Rules3)4) or go through Basic Training,5) they still often ask the same questions. This page aims to answer the main questions pretty much all rookies ask shortly after arrival.

Note that the Advisory will contain a few spoilers. Proceed with caution if you cherish the Joy of Discovery.

Despite its location in the 'Wiki of Lies', this page should remain accurate and truthful.6)

If some of the terms used here aren't familiar, we have a Glossary.

(A word of warning. Improbable Island will take over your life.)7)

On Arrival

  • Congratulations! It's a boy! You are a new player. Welcome to the madness. You are in NewHome, the starting Outpost. Have a look around - Basic Training will give you a technical how-to-play introduction, and the Museum is a good place to get a feel for the Island world and story. Have a good look around.

Eeek! I'm naked and unarmed in a clearly dangerous place.

  • First things first: be aware that the jungle is full of monsters.8)
  • Be sure to check out the NewHome Council Offices every game day—as a human, you can pick up nifty free stuff there. Use these items to help with Jungle emergencies, or even better, sell them to eBoy's for a nice chunk of extra req to upgrade your equipment.9)10)
  • Joe's Dojo lets you level up. When your experience bar is full, visit the Dojo; you have to beat your master in a fight to gain the level. Your attack, defense, and HP (times ten) are reflective of your level, plus any equipment and buffs.
  • You can also buy food in most outposts. Food gives you more stamina, letting you do more and play longer. In NewHome, it's a greasy-spoon called Joe's Diner.

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THMP- whufh. Where am I? F- FailBoat? what the..?

  • Welcome to purgatory for the Unworthy - those who lost a fight, hammered their face in, or had bad luck from choosing to walk the ledges or wander through Stonehenge.
  • Venture below decks and into the cages to earn Favour with The Watcher to bribe your way back to the mainland. (This costs 100 Favour points.) You get as many cage fights per gameday as you want; each one you win earns you some Favour. But beware—each fight still costs you stamina. When you get low on adrenaline (the Boat's equivalent of hitpoints), visit The Watcher and get a shot. Prudent players Adrenaline junkies do this after every fight.
  • If you are knocked out while gaining Favour, your Favour will be cut in half. If this leaves you with less than ten Favour, you won't be able to fight in the cages again until your next New Day.
  • If you can't earn enough Favour to get back, you can simply wait for a new Game Day to roll around, or start an instant New Day. See New Days below.
  • Any Favour you don't use is saved up for your next visit.11)
  • Sometimes you'll find you unexpectedly have extra Favour you didn't earn! That means some other player used an Altruism item that put the Watcher in such a good mood she's actually almost smiling at everyone.12)

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I keep losing all of my hard-earned requisition.

  • Deposit your earnings in the bank. Frequently.

  • You can find the bank at any outpost. They are linked - money deposited at one is available from all branches.

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I keep dying.

  • Stop looking for fights when your Stamina indicator gets too low. (Pay attention to the “you are getting tired” texts as well as the green/orange/red indicator.)
  • Equipment is everything13). Wear the best equipment that you can afford, and as much of it as you are able to. Consider adding helmets, boots, and/or gloves—they're expensive, but they'll help a little bit.
  • Pay attention to the level of the monsters you encounter. If they're way over your level, use grenades or run.
  • At level one, the Hospital Tent gives free healing!
  • It's not a big deal—as long as you're not spending the money you get selling your free grenades,14) you'll quickly save up enough for some better equipment.

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OK, I've been a level one rookie for ages, how do I get up a level?

  • When you think you have enough experience, go to the Dojo and challenge your master. IF you win, you go up a level.
  • If you aren't sure if you have enough XP or not, check your XP bar, or go to the dojo and ask your master.
  • Alternatively, if you have enough experience to go up two levels in a row, your master will track you down. For the high-level master fights, you'll probably need weapons and armor, bought from Sheila's Shack in any Outpost.

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The ruddy bastard in the Dojo who calls himself my master keeps gilding my ass and handing it to me on a platter. (It's a quite nice platter, at least. Lovely patterns.)

  • Upgrade your equipment. (Remember Sheila's, above)?
  • Make sure your experience bar is blue and that you have enough experience to level up.15) If you don't, fight monsters until you do.
  • Use your master for free heals (Only once a gameday, and this will only matter after level one. Speaking of which…)
  • Relish the free healing of level one. Every hospital tent will heal you for free, if you're level one.
  • Don't go into the Dojo exhausted. You will continue to tire out, and you will be defeated. 16)
  • Consider smoking a precious cigarette.17) The smoking buff applies in the Dojo and it lasts for up to one hundred rounds.

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And what else is there to do in NewHome?

  • Ok, so, we've covered Basic Training, the Museum, the Jungle, the Dojo, Sheila's, eBoy's, Joe's Diner, and the Council Offices. See below for Travelling to the rest of the game world and using New Days. Have a read of the NewHome wiki page if you're fascinated by these other navbar links but nervous to click on them.
  • Common Ground is a totally safe area, though there isn't much to do. You can get there from every outpost, swat the pinata, visit the kissing booth (see below), or roleplay. As of 2023, Common Ground is the “limbo” you go through, the intermediate place, when you use a teleportation doodad.
  • For info on roleplaying, see below! There's a good community here, and lots going on.
  • When you aren't in a fighting mood, you can reinforce the outpost wall. This doesn't actually do anything except make the wall number go up and your stamina go down. But hey, you can do it if you want.18)

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Cigs! Can I sell cigarettes for requisition?

  • No. Use them (almost never) for a buff, save for a Mount,19) save up for a better backpack and bandolier, buy yourself jewelry and tattoos, use them in the Brothel in Squat Hole, rent tools used for house-building from Suzie,20) or contribute them toward a clan buff.21)

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Can I buy cigarettes?

  • Not with Requisition. Cigarettes arrive pretty much at random. You can, however, exchange Supporter Points (that is, real money to support the site) for cigarettes.22)
  • Go to the Kissing Booth in the Common Ground of any Outpost. You can go once per day, and it is worth it. You usually gain charm, or lose charm and gain a cigarette (with some possibility of other things).
  • Swatting the Piñata is okay too (you can do this twice per day), though you may also lose a cig (so it's great to do when you have none, because you can't lose no cigs!). Put your money in the bank before hitting the piñata, as sometimes you lose a percentage of it.
  • A good way to get cigarettes on the cheap is to talk to Mister Stern in the NewHome Museum. You talk to him once you've looked at every exhibit. This is the first in-game quest; it's a nice introduction, explains a lot of the Island story, and sets a fetch-quest which encourages you to explore. After talking to him, visit the Council Office in every Outpost (except Improbable Central) to get items for his museum.23) He will reward you with 10 cigarettes.
  • Higher ranks reward you for taking on the higher difficulty with more frequent cigarette rewards from fights. If you see something that costs a ridiculous amount of cigs (like, a hundred or so) don't worry about it yet—things get better. You can try to do a higher rank once you've got a Drive Kill.
  • Other options, not recommended for brand-new players:
    • In CC404, the Hundred Point Rally gives great cigarette prizes if you win it—but it is not recommended until you are more experienced in traveling across the Island.
    • Also in CC404, a robot will hand you a free cig for really not much!
    • And finally, Improbability Bombs have a one in eight chance of giving you a cig—though they also have a one in eight chance of killing you.24)
  • Unlike req, and most of the stuff it buys, any cigarettes you have collected will be inherited by your next character.

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New days

  • The game clock gives you a new Game Day every four hours. Every gameday, your stamina resets, you heal, and you can eat some more—rather as if time had passed and you'd slept in real life! You also earn interest overnight, if you have money banked; so if you can, it's best to put all your money25) in the bank before getting/using a New Day (or before logging out)!
  • If you can't wait four hours to keep playing, you can use an Instant/Saved New Day. The link to it is in the left navigation bar, right above that for your inventory, and is accessible from pretty much anywhere.26)
  • You start with two filled Chronospheres. So, you can play three gamedays in one sitting (you get a natural newday just by starting to play; then you can play another two.)
  • Once used (emptied), Chronospheres will be refilled if you spend enough time logged out. One Chronosphere will be refilled each time the new day counter resets after the first (the first new day reset will be applied immediately when you return, subsequent ones will be stored in Chronospheres).
  • You can buy more Chronospheres for real-world money, if you want to play more!

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When do I know that I'm ready to SAVE THE WORLD?!

  • At level fifteen, you will be able to go about hunting the Improbability Drive. Be patient.27)

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And just by the way

  • When you kill the Drive, you will lose all your money (including in the bank), your weapon, and your armor.28) Refer to the DKpersist page for more information on what stays with you after drivekills.
  • If you do end up with lots of cash, you might as well buy a hat.
  • You will gain one Improbability Point, which conventional wisdom holds you should invest into Attack and Defense at a 3:1 ratio. Never invest into HitPoints, because due to the strange algorithms the Island uses for combat, this actually just makes the game harder.29)
  • And then you get to travel back to the mainland and play around there, being renowned as a glorious hero. Yes.

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OK, I've checked out NewHome, time to explore the Island

  • The 'Travel' link will allow you to exit the Outpost gates and roam the world.30) Maps cost two thousand requisition tokens and can be purchased in the Communications Tent ubiquitous to every Outpost. That sounds expensive,31) but you get to keep it for-ever-and-ever. Otherwise, it's not terribly difficult to map as you go.
  • Different terrain types take different amounts of stamina to traverse, and have different monster encounter rates. For example, you're more likely to encounter monsters in jungle squares than you are on Beach or Plain squares. On water squares, your base encounter rate is zero! 32) You're more likely to come across supply crates—treasure troves of supplies—off the beaten path. Pack a lunch!

Right then, off you go.

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Where to go

  • Map coordinates range from (A1) to (Y40). Coordinates are of the form (east, north). Mouse over a square on the map to see its coordinates.
  • Exploring is fun in itself, but there's plenty of other things to find. See below for info on other outposts, supply crates, buildings, etc.

Highlights for a new player:

  • Only the council offices in NewHome gives humans free goodies. Also, to a human character, Joe's Dojo is in NewHome if you want to level up. (Though if you just wait and keep fighting jungle monsters, eventually, the dojo will come to you!)
  • The Bank of Improbable is found in every Outpost and is where you should keep all your money (requisition) before venturing outside a Outpost (either while traveling or hunting in the jungle). This is because if you die, you lose all your money in hand (your money in the bank is safe). Your bank account is island-wide, so don't worry that you'll have to go home to a particular outpost to access the money.
  • Mike's Chop Shop is found in every Outpost, though each Outpost sells a different type of mount, and some don't offer any at all. The Budget Horse (in New Home) is the only one you can reasonably afford at first. It disappears after a while, but it's still a very good use for your two cigarettes! You can sell it before it expires, if you know what to do. But if you sell it, you're not going to experience its amazing story to the end.
  • Improbable Central has the widest set of shops.
    • Caroline the Speed Medic is found in the Mercenary Tent in Improbable Central. She is sometimes worth it. She does a good job (on the first few drivekills) to keep you alive on your marauding across the map. Make sure to heal her regularly as you will lose her if she dies, and will have to rehire her if you want her back. Healing her (at the Hospital Tent found in the Jungle around any Outpost) takes only requisition, while rehiring takes cigarettes as well, and requisition is way easier to get than cigarettes.
    • The Prancing SpiderKitty pub can be good to visit every day.
    • The Luggage Hut is where you buy a better backpack or bandolier.
    • Suzie's and Cadfael's are for Places (see below)
    • Tattoos, Jewelry and Hats can help with customising your character, and can be useful in specific circumstances!
  • Ace High and Pleasantville have the best food, but it's expensive. You can buy cheaper food—still healthy—in Kittania.
  • Improbable Central, Kittania, Squat Hole, and New Pittsburgh have pubs like the Rook's Nest in Newhome. Drinks cost a fairly small amount of req, and give you short-lived combat bonuses (buffs). If you're having trouble fighting, or you want to hunt at a more dangerous level, try getting boozed up first. The pubs also have mini-games, which may or may not be a good idea to play.

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How to get there efficiently

  • Note the stamina cost for each terrain type before you move onto it. Of course, the more you travel on each type, the better you will get at it so the less stamina it will cost—but there is a big difference between strolling on grassland, hacking your way through trees, squelching through a swamp, clambering up the mountain, or swimming in the ocean.
  • Traveling diagonally takes the same stamina as horizontally or vertically (ignoring terrain), so the cheapest way to get between places is often a zig-zag pattern. For example, to get from NewHome to Improbable Central, the cheapest way is 4 steps NE (Y) followed by 2 steps NW (R).
  • If you want to travel without being attacked, travel by water. You will only encounter monsters in water once your stamina bar is down in the orange (to learn more about stamina costs, click on the Stamina link next to your stamina bar). While water travel is initially more stamina-intense than traveling by land, doing it enough will reduce the stamina cost (this is true of anything). Also, if you only travel by river and avoid ocean, it's not that bad. Especially because you can move without all those annoying monster encounters.
  • If you're travelling with goods, buy a standard (or bigger) backpack from The Luggage Hut in Improbable Central. This lets you carry twice as much without stamina penalty (you can overload your backpack at any time, but it takes more stamina to do things, like travel), which is good if you are trading items between different eBoy's or hunting the map for supply crates (which, when they contain monster repellent, Nicotine Gum, or one-shot teleporters Witchbloom seedpods, are worth quite a bit of money).33)

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What will I find as I travel?


  • A Place34) is a building; up to four35) can be found on some mapsquares. These are owned and built by various players, and offer a great outlet for creativity. For lots more information, see the Places for Dummies guide.
  • Places may contain sleeping spaces (beds), if the owners bought and installed them. Sleeping inside a Place keeps those pesky Jungle creatures away, so you wake up with more stamina. You can click into one of these beds to start a new game day or use a chronosphere. You can also click into a bed and log out so that you will start your next playing session with more stamina - but that means the whole time you're in the bed, nobody else can use it! It is more polite to simply step into a Place when you are ready to stop playing, and let the game automatically log you out after 20 minutes or so of inactivity. You can then click into a bed when you log in, and that will automatically start your new day with more stamina.
  • Places are born by breeding a land claim stake (cost: 100 cigs) with the ground. Soon enough, a Place is born.36) You'll need to feed it logs and stones by gathering the appropriate materials using the appropriate toolboxes 37) on the appropriate squares.38)
  • You can obtain logs by cutting trees in the jungle, and stones from mining the mountains near Cyber City. 39)40)41)You'll need to get the appropriate tool kit/s from the Hardware store in Improbable Central first, though.
  • If you're looking for info on a specific Place, check out the Real Estate Listing to see a few wiki-listed Places, and the Land Registry—a map and list (spreadsheet) of just about all the Places. 42)

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There is a Supply Crate here

  • Supply crates, if they are present in a map square, will be the last piece of text for that square (after the list of places), so scroll to the bottom to see if there is a crate (it will say “There is a Supply Crate here”)43) page, if you want to be messing with those)). If you want to pick it up, there's a link near the bottom of the left-hand navbar.
  • Supply Crates contain a random assortment of goodies from eBoy's—grenades, teleporters, ration packs, etc. These little treasure troves can be gleefully used or sold or dropped on the map if still in the crate or ignored as you see fit.
  • When you pick up a crate, you can go to your inventory and use it (which opens it into its constituent items) at (nearly) any time. But be aware that the crate itself is often heavier than the items it contains, so carrying it unused may overload your pack; but once used, even if you keep the contents, it may be lighter. Also be aware that you can easily drop a crate on the map for someone else to pick up, but if you've already opened it, and then you want to give the items to someone else, you'll need to send them through the gifting station in the Common Grounds.
  • Supply crates 'disappear' when you achieve a Drive Kill, so use it or lose it! Supply crates appear on the map every time someone donates real-world money to the game. They are “finders keepers”, so do grab them if you need them. Most people who don't need money/supplies leave them for newer players, and some people actually bring them to near Newhome to be more-easily found.

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There is a Log or Stone here

  • Logs and Stones are building materials, used for building and expanding Places.
  • If you see any Logs and/or Stones lying around, especially if there is a Place about, please leave them where they are. Other people have worked hard to gather them, and they are only useful for working on Places. 44) People do not appreciate it if you take their stuff. If you want to build your own Place, or help someone out, please get your own building materials! 45) 46)

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The earth shakes with bass-heavy rumbles, and uh-oh, what the hell is this Titan?

  • Titans are super-massive monsters on the world map. As a rookie, to be honest, you might as well ignore them.
  • They don't attack players, but if they reach an outpost, they destroy its walls.47) You can attack and kill them (which gives you a req reward proportional to damage done), but for a new player, the gameplay mechanics mean it would take ages to make any sort of dent. Keep playing—soon enough you too will have wasted enough time in this game to have a powerful character with a big scary weapon and can kill them too!

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There is a TwitchLeaf, SneezeRoot, Scroteweed or SteelSeed here

  • Herbs are part of the new food system released in August 2012. They spawn randomly on the map: TwitchLeaf on the plains, SneezeRoot in the jungle, Scroteweed in the swamp, and SteelSeed on the mountain. No herbs spawn in water, on the beach, or in the snow.
  • If you have learned how to clean and cook your kills (see below), you can try cooking your meat with them. Adding herbs slightly increases the amount of stamina you get per meat 48). You get more bang for your herb using a combination of different herbs, rather than multiples of the same one.
  • They don't weigh much at all, so pick them up if you want them. But don't bother if you haven't yet learned how to cook, or you already have lots, or you are overloaded.

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There is a Something Else here—what's this other thing I found?

  • Very occasionally, you'll find a named item on the map. There'll be a line of text like for logs or supply crates - “there is a thing here.” It's probably a Memento—player-made roleplay items, made for real-world cash, for giving to friends or random strangers. (Examples: handkerchiefs, books, carvings, sleeping bags, booze, wedding rings, love notes, etc…) Mementos are only useful for roleplay, with no in-game effects: so ignore them, unless you want your character to own the item.

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How do you know all these things?

  • I've been here longer than you!

I remain deeply alarmed by this 'travel on the map' business! How can I protect myself?

  • You could… make yourself smelly! Before you head out, buy a can of Monster Repellent Spray and use it on yourself. The effects of a can last one day. You'll reduce monster encounters by half while traveling and inflict an attack and defense debuff of 20% (which stacks with other debuffs such as the Kittymorph nudity or the Zombie Donkey ones) on anything you encounter. You can also keep them in your bandolier to use in a panic against certain magpies. (Although using ZAP grenades gives a much stronger effect for fewer rounds, and they are usually cheaper.)
  • Bring medkits and grenades!
  • Bring a mount! There are mounts dedicated to travel, one of which being the Budget Horse, which you can purchase in Mike's in NewHome for 2 cigarettes. Mounts that are dedicated to travel cut your stamina costs. There are also mounts dedicated to combat such as the Zombie Donkey49) and the Magical Mystery Meat Mount.50)
  • RUN. Suck in your gut and run like a sissy, because you'll live. Heroes have a nasty habit of dying young.

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I'm um. . . I'm dying of malnutrition or starvation or whatever, I'm not even reading the messages anymore, I'm so hungry—oh god, please help me before I show up on a commercial with a distended belly and flies around the corners of my eyes, please, please. . .

  • Don't worry, you're not actually dying: this is just flavor text. You won't die if you are malnourished, even if you go without food for a very long time: you just stop at a slight debuff, and hang out there.
  • You've either not been feeding yourself very well or you've been subsisting entirely on Ration Packs. You should know better; didn't you read the flavour text? Try a more varied diet. Visit some of the restaurants and buy the best meals you can afford. There's good (and expensive) stuff to be had in Pleasantville and Kittania. Or, cook your own food and pay attention to the text. If it sounds disgusting, it will probably be disgusting for your character.

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I eat and eat and eat and I'm still hungry!

  • Eat more! Yes, really, this is all you have to do. If you start your day very hungry, it may take several meals before you start to see black on your hunger bar.

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I ate and ate and ate and DISASTER.

  • There's only so much room in your stomach, sadly. Eat any more than that and you're liable to puke your guts out, and lose stamina in the process. Notice that I said “liable to” and not “sure to”—sometimes, you can eat a whole extra steak to no ill effect, but sometimes that one sip of an energy drink will bring it all up.

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I'm... I'm fat!

  • Stop eating fatty foods. And exercise more—really. Play until you're tired and stop there. That'll keep you feeling svelte. If you've been told you're fat, mix some salads, steaks and ration packs, which are 'low fat', into your diet.
  • If you want to know all about the various in-game foods, there is a spreadsheet, of course. (We players like gathering information and playing with it.)

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How do I learn how to cook and clean my kills?

  • Go to Maiko's in Kittania. She'll be pleased to give you two starter lessons and a basic cooking pan for free. You can also buy more lessons to level up faster than just from the experience of doing it in the wild, and bigger cooking pans.51)
  • If you want to cook your own food, keep in mind that meat you've gathered does not last overnight.
  • Crap meat is usually not worth eating because it is high in fat and gives very little stamina benefit (often less than that spent cooking it).

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Island etiquette 'n' social grrraces!

Site rules, and community guidlines

RULE ONE: Don't be a dick.
RULE TWO: Don't take it seriously.
RULE Three: No Alts52)
RULE Four: No Kids.

That's it. Or… at least, that was it until 2020, when the Code of Conduct was introduced. While the logic of each of the rules is described in more detail under that code, the restated rules boil down to:

RULE ONE: Be kind to others. (Covers respectful roleplaying; clarifies where moderators discourage violent, 'edgy' and sexual behavior; encourages being welcoming to new players; provides some tips on OOC interactions; offers some guidelines on adult roleplay and what constitutes 'opting in')
RULE TWO: Be kind to yourself. (Covers boundaries between self and character; how to meter your time and set boundaries; gentle encouragement to take a deep breath and disengage if you are starting to feel that things do not feel fun.)
RULE THREE: Be kind to the game. (Please notify staff if you think you've found an exploit; don't try to deliberately break the game; discouraging script use; some guidelines for alt characters; don't share passwords, and please remember there are many ways of accessing the game.)
RULE FOUR: Be kind to the staff. (Tips on mod and admin interaction.)

If you feel like you don't fully understand these rules, please read through both the examples in the Code of Conduct and some of the Moderation Policies page, which should give you an idea of the spirit in which the mods approach that code.

There are also currently some additional community norms set in place for roleplayers!:


  • Be nice in NewHome.

First impressions matter! NewHome is the first part of the Island any new player sees. Please make it welcoming and fun.

In fact, anywhere on the Island, remember that people who don't know your character will probably be reading what you write. Be considerate; don't spoil their enjoyment of the game with behaviour you wouldn't like if someone else was doing it.


  • Avoid confrontation.

Silly slapstick fighting is fine and welcomed. Legitimate storyline violence or personality conflict is fine, so long as both players know that they are playing pretend. Bullshit dick-measuring contests where both characters are UNSTOPPABLE GODS, THEIR PROWESS FAR BEYOND MORTAL KEN… is not cool. Randomly punching someone in the face, namecalling, whatever grudges you have kept from schoolyard days, not cool.


  • If it's not your conflict and you're not calming it down, stay out of it.

If people are fighting outside of plot and your efforts to calm a situation down are not working, or appear to be making matters worse, walk away or call a mod in. (There's a Mod Call option in the 'Report a Problem' link at the top of every page.) Don't throw oil on the fire, y'know? Sometimes it's not obvious that something is preplanned; do let one of the RP mods53) know if you're going to be going at it with someone.

Look, we're here to have fun, right? It isn't rocket science. Think about what you're saying, and how it might be interpreted at the other end before you 'say' it. Remember that the person on the other end can't see you smiling or laughing unless you include that description. If somebody reacts strongly to what you've said, think about possible misinterpretations, and clarify. If the other person is just being aggressive, ignore the bastard! Don't escalate the situation.

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I'm interested in roleplaying but I'm shy and don't know how to break into the community!

How do I emote? (Stop 'saying' and start 'doing'!)

  • Ah, well. An anonymous voice on the Internet can't tell you how to emote if you've not learned it by now… but if you mean in the game, type a colon ( : ) to start your post. That command will strip off any of the automatic add-ons (such as says, mutters, and so on).
  • Different colors are available: check out the HELP link under your chat box for a basic guide, or experiment in Distractions sent to yourself. The command for colors is an accent ( ` ) the other character on the ~ key, above tab) then a letter, number, or symbol. Here (hotlink: is a handy reference sheet, and here is where you can test them all out.

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How do I give myself a biography? I've clicked on other players' pages and they have these fancy serious biography things... I, too, want to be in the fancy serious club. We will dine on the finest meats and cheeses.

  • At the bottom of every chat space is a Customize Character link. You'll see a space where you can input a 255-character biography. (After you've earned 500 Supporter points, the extended biography—a glorious ten thousand-character-long option gets unlocked.)

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I want to be in the SUPER fancy club where everyone has pretty pictures in their biographies.

  • You need a picture frame to put that lovely image in! Buy one at the Super Fancy Fun Club.

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I want to be a cat / rotting corpse / mobile AI system / pony / etc. How do I do this?

  • Beat the Improbability Drive—you unlock different classes after certain milestone numbers. Kittymorph and Zombie are available after your first DK (Drive Kill).
  • To beat the Drive, you need to work up to level 15, and then go hunting for it. See above.
  • For roleplay, if none of the in-game races feel right for you, you can buy a Custom Race thing from the Super Fancy Fun Club with real-world money. This lets you type in your own race name, but you will still be the human you started as (or other race if you've got a DK and changed already) in terms of gameplay.
  • Or just hide your race and type whatever description you want as your physical description.

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Oh no! I did something and now nobody will talk to me? Why is everyone mad at me? I don't like being ignored. Its lonely over here...

  • Well, odds are you've done something rather silly that offended someone, or broke one of the first two rules. You may have acted like a bit of a dick, or perhaps just stepped on someone's toes.
  • However, all is not lost!54) Most people here are forgiving, and will understand if you can bring yourself to apologize. It's simple enough to have your character apologize to theirs in person, or to send them a Distraction (direct message) if you would prefer to keep things private.
  • This is generally enough to convince almost anyone to forgive you, but, if not, you can usually talk to any of the people on this page for help. The moderators are very good—don't be afraid to ask them for help and advice.

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A 'DanQuest' is the “go hunt that critter or fetch that doodad in town X” assignment from Dan in the Prancing Spiderkitty in Improbable Central.

Is there any trick to them?

  • No. Go hunt in the Jungle of the Outpost he sends you to, and be persistent. It doesn't matter what kind of trouble you're looking for or what level you are. This can take a very long time, sometimes through the entire DK to find one item or monster. There is nothing you can do to make it go faster.

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Do quest points do anything?

  • Admire them in the Hall of Fame, buff your fingernails with them, use them to bolster your ego.
  • More useful is the reward from doing Danquests. 2500 req per beasty/item retrieved; and 25000 req for the end boss of a chain. Mr Stern's fetchquest (which can only be done once) awards you 10 cigs.

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Are there any other Quests I can do?

  • Yes.
  • Have a look at the Quests guide.

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Main article: A History of Onslaughts

What's going on? This outpost looks... ominous. Like it's preparing for war.

  • You're in a war, soldier. But yes, it does look like things are going to get up close and personal, doesn't it? Don't worry, though - the stress the guards are under is flavor text.

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The outpost's walls have collapsed! Should I be reinforcing the walls? I really think I should be reinforcing the walls.

  • Nah, don't bother. Unless of course you like building walls. (I won't judge. Some people like visiting Squat Hole.) Once upon a time, monsters would charge into town the second the walls collapsed. But they don't do that any more. You're safe in an Outpost, no matter what.

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Hey... that guy's got a really cool weapon and it isn't on any list of stuff I can buy!

  • Patience, grasshopper. As you rack up DKs, new and exciting weapons and armour and stuff will be added to the lists.55)56)

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When I was a human I got some free stuff everyday. Now I'm [something else] and I'm not getting it. How come?

  • Humans get free swag as their class buff. Kittymorphs are great at traveling, Squats aren't, but excel at fighting. Zombies can devour their kills raw without having to clean and cook their catch. Explore the classes to see what changes happen with attack, defense, etc. for each race. You can get an idea of what's going on with each of them by visiting the Museum.

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Sheila won't buy my weapon back! What gives?

  • Your weapon gave you extra charm or Favour. Sheila won't let you go into negative values for those. Try increasing your charm or Favour before selling.

Did you just tell me I was ugly?

  • Yes, yes I did.

How do I raise my charm?

  • There are many ways. Some events are random, others can happen more often. You'll find out.
  • You can't view your charm directly in-game, though you can work it out. Just remember that the higher your charm, the bigger the discount you get on weapons and armor, up to 25% (and charm over that level has no benefit). See the charm wiki entry for further details. There are strategies and maths and stuff.

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You haven't answered my question!

If you've made it all the way down here and still can't find what you're looking for, feel free to ask us! The Out-of-Character Banter channel on the right side of the screen57) is a good place to get answers. This chatroom is accessible from just about anywhere - outposts, shops, map tiles, most places. You name it, we're there, and someone will be happy to help.

OR: Ask someone directly. Up at the top, next to the MotD58) link, you'll see the Distractions link for writing to someone by name; or just click somebody's name in the chat to get to their Bio page, which also contains a direct link to write them a message.

BUT: Please refrain from asking OOC gameplay questions in the roleplay areas (headed “In-Character Story”59)). It detracts from the fun and frolics.

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Not the same as the effayque.
Ha ha ha—oh, you were serious. Allow me to laugh harder. AHA HA HA!
These actually matter. Go read them now, we'll wait!
And while you're about it, here are the Moderation Policies.
If you forget what you were told there, you can go back and ask again.
Come back later and make some pages that are 100% lies to balance it out if you like; we can use some more of those anyway.
You think it won't, but it will. Just you wait and see!
Some of them highly improbable, indeed.
Spoiler Alert: It's usually best to get BANG grenades, as they sell for the most Req.
Spoiler Addendum: You can usually get better prices in locations other than NewHome.
Until you beat the Drive, see below. Then you have to start over.
Yes, she's even scarier when she smiles, but she can't help that.
on your first few DriveKills, that is. When you have more attack and defense than you can get from your equipment, that's a different case
or using any grenades
Sometimes the display glitches and turns blue too early!
However, when you don't have anything better to do, going to the Dojo exhausted may grant you some standard fighting experience. The higher your standard fighting level is, the less stamina it will cost you to fight per round.
Don't make a habit of it—consuming cigarettes is bad for your wealth
If you want to burn calories but you're too exhausted to fight, this is a safe way to do it! Don't go into the red (<20% stamina) though.
Budget Horse is a good newbie investment!
100 cigarettes for a land-claiming stake, and 1 cigarette per toolkit, and you lose the toolkit on your next new day. House-building is extremely expensive.
You and your clanmates will be glad you did this!
Probably not the best use for them, honestly…
Collect the one from NewHome last, because it's heavy.
What happened to the seven in one chance?
As long as “All your money” is an amount lower than a hundred thousand requisition tokens
Note: Days don't begin if there are no more empty Chronospheres to store them, and you don't log in to claim them.
And bring tea. You'll learn why soon enough.
and often your helmet, boots and gloves as well.
If you do find yourself pursuing one of the few long-term strategies that require more than base HP, the Gauntlet is a far easier way to increase HP, anyway.
You can click on the compass to move!
Trust us, it will be for the first few go-rounds.
Map squares are officially referred to as “klicks” in-character.
Nicotine gum is worth the most normally. Also it's almost useless beyond making money for you.
a.k.a. House, Building, Dwelling, etc
except when it's more
Oh, I get it .. a metaphor.
Warning: Cutting wood and gathering stones takes a whole lot of stamina out of you, and take even more to transport in bulk. So, especially if you're not a robot, watch your stamina
Toolkits are heavy, and expensive to hire, too.
No, we're not going to give you directions to the mountains, find them yourself.
No, seriously.
Okay, fine. From NewHome, travel ALL the way north until you reach the north point of the island, and then keep travelling east until you reach the mountains. (Or vice versa—sticking to the coast is easier.) Watch out for the Yeti!
Once you've bought a Map from the communications tent, the game will show you all the Places. But that's a comparatively recent feature—until then, the LandReg was the best way of finding things!
This can be changed through the resorter script on the Greasemonkey Scripts((create
Also, they are really heavy, so it hurts you too to just pick them up and walk off with them.
You're not going to be the island's Robin Hood, you know!
And sorry if this seems rather ranty to an innocent new player, but there were a lot of highly-pissing-off incidences of materials disappearing, once upon a time.
Although as of current writing, the walls mostly give as good as they get.
though the total stamina per panful will be less, because you're putting in less total meat to make room for the herbs. Understand that? Good, me neither.
Found in Mike's Chop Shop in New Pittsburgh. It has the same or twice the effect as the repellent spray does, depending on how long you keep it, and it stacks with it!
Found in Mike's Chop Shop in Pleasantville. Heals you in combat.
You can't downsize or drop pans once you've acquired them, so you may want to hold off on your pan purchases until you've gotten a backpack that can accommodate your property comfortably.
There are exceptions. check point 3e in the Code of Conduct under any chat space for more information about that and other rules, as well as a mod listing and information and other things!
who are the current mods? is the list on the CoC accurate?
Except when you quit the game, that is.
Also Donate. You can rename your weapon or armour to whatever you want for only 25 SP. Or buy the option to rename it as many times as you like for more.
Also Recommended for Amusement. I mean come on, Ever try fighting Sorority Girl in nightie, with a large flaming sex toy? It's a laugh and a half
Or just scroll down a bit, if you're on mobile.
Message Of The Day
Located on the left side of the screen on desktop.
gameplay/guides/newbie.txt · Last modified: 2024/01/16 03:49 by clarissadunst