The <GERM> Bingo Hall, Dunbernarding Wing

Location: One klick due north of IC

Owned By: <GERM> Dunbernarding Tourist Information

Come to beautiful Dunbernarding; a great place to visit and you won't be able to leave

Whether you're a high powered businessman who just loves meetings (and of course a world-class assortment of biscuits); a dizzy woman who just loves to shop; an elderly and decrepit couple who just love to swing; why! There's something for everyone here!

Come and sample our great food in one of our bars, or even in the cafe; come and dance the night away in our magnificent ballroom; visit the peaceful loveliness of the local village or sail a pedalo around our enormous man-made loch.

No matter if you're overweight or too skinny; no matter if you're even a mutant* you'll be welcomed with open arms by our friendly, professional and cheerful* staff members/

We have won awards for our stately home; Island Vogue Magazine described it as “A bloody.. .(marvel). The architect must have been quite.. .(visionary). We spent a very happy couple of hours trying to find the exit.”

Not to mention our grounds! These beautiful and well manicured facilities mean that you can come and partake of all the fun of the fair! Or perhaps you're more keen on real ale, or the latest arts and crafts or even the latest thrilling fun rides!? What about spending long, leisurely afternoons in our maze; or go and heavy pet some animals or even bees?

No matter what peculiar tastes and predilections you may have, you can find a willing hand, a new friend, or even branded latex gloves here at Dunbernarding. And! If you're looking for a certain someone, they may be in our extensive tunnel network, hiding.

Competitive rates available on all our rooms (except Phyllis' suite)

Children and pets welcomed.

Why not speak with one of our friendly call handlers to discuss your special needs, they'll be sure to lend a sympathetic ear!

NB We cannot accommodate children as pets.

E&OE

• Squats not welcome
• Arms or testicles tentacles

We cannot be held responsible for depressed staff members

• ditto

Accommodations: not much, and so not the point.

History: Dunbernarding originated in Season One. It began as a mansion on the outskirts of AceHigh belonging to the notorious Uncle Bernard. Because it was a mansion, entrance was by key only. Nonetheless, disturbing rumours drifted out about Bernard's habits, his souped-up zimmer frame, his garden shed, and his private stock of Gentleman's Periodicals.

At first in Season Two the Network allowed no dwellings, forcing Dunbernarding to remain an incorporeal concept. Once building permits were finally issued, a new incarnation of Dunbernarding rose according to Bernard's master plan in its present location just north of Improbable Central, contributed to and worked upon by the whole GERM clan. (Note: Mountjoy, Lilith, and the rest of the staff have been around longer than most clan members.)

Small at first, the Bingo Hall (as it became known) grew and grew and grew so large that it broke the limits of what had been believed possible, and promptly ceased to exist. The very next day, 'possible' was redefined to suit. Since that time this massive complex has been reduced to rubble not just once, but twice, each time rising again larger and more complicated than before. Seems you just can't keep a good reality distortion down.

Points of interest: It's all interesting, in a 'wait, how ever did I wind up here?' sort of way. If you just wander around at random you will eventually see a great deal of what there is to be seen. Remember that if you get too lost you can always bail back to the map square and start over. This is true in any Place, but the Bingo Hall has a way of making you need it. Here are some highlights to look for… There's a bus tour of an English seaside resort, a maze to escape, a waterfall—and that's just browsing in the Library! You could also visit a farm village, ride in the dumbwaiter, look for the steam traction engine, or try to find Granny knitting in her rocking chair.

To tell the truth, the Bingo Hall is showing its age. It's rather a mess, with paint pots and ladders, and there are spots where, like Granny's memory, reality just blanks out and what should be there, isn't. All the same, it's a major landmark. You can't claim to know the Island until you've been lost here at least once.