Corporal Punishment
RIGHT then, recruit. You've JUST STUMBLED through the NEWHOME GATES, and you DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. If Improbable Island were an OFFLINE GAME, you would PROBABLY have an INSTRUCTION MANUAL that you would then BLOODY IGNORE in favor of GETTING KNOCKED OUT in your FIRST FIGHT. CORPORAL PUNISHMENT is a lot like said MANUAL, if that manual would YELL AT YOU in a vain effort to get you to PAY ATTENTION ALREADY.
Found in BASIC TRAINING, the Corporal is not even remotely concerned with concepts like THE FOURTH WALL and INDOOR VOICES. He'll explain BASIC GAMEPLAY to you at ANY TIME - useful if you've been away a while and discovered THE WHOLE GAME has changed while you WEREN'T LOOKING.1) The Corporal is also SURPRISINGLY INSIGHTFUL REGARDING INTERNATIONAL SLANG and has pointers on how not to UPSET VIEWERS by using LANGUAGE that means something VERY DIFFERENT to what you THINK IT MEANS.
While the CORPORAL does have some GENERAL POINTERS on what the Island's timeline is like, and WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING HERE, you should talk to his GOOD FRIEND MISTER STERN if you CARE about things like BACKSTORY.
RUMORS that the CORPORAL is an ACTOR for the Network getting PAID BY THE DECIBEL are ONLY PARTLY UNFOUNDED.