We were all told, as children, that if we didn't bloody well shut up and stop asking for cream cakes that we'd be sold to the Squat Mafia for their human trafficking operation. Now this, along with their illicit skronky fields (in opposition to the 'official' Skronky mines), labour-movement-activism, prostitution &c. &c. means that the Squat Mafia is a much feared but shadowy organisation.

Led by Creaky Joe Montegna,¹⁾ the arthritic psychotic haemophobic—who, according to legend, put an opponents head in a vice and then—rather than squeezing the poor bugger until his head popped for fear of seeing some blood—subjected the poor sod to four days of his wedding photos. Rumours of murdering the Villagers of an unnamed Jungle settlement one by one remain, of course, unfounded.

This gang is currently mainly active in Squat Hole.