The Skronky Pot Take Over

A dark shady group sneak through the late evening gloom outside Squat Hole. Finding a patrol Squat that's sound asleep, it picks a spot. A brick is thrown up over the fence. A brick with a rope attached to it.

The McThugger gang (for it is they) have to try a few times, but eventually the brick catches on a jagged piece of fence post that is sticking out. Bilge McThugger is the first to climb up into the outpost, closely followed by her twin Belch.

Curmudgeon McThugger follows them up. Or tries to. Unfortunately, the fence post to which the brick has attached itself is not attached to the rest of the fence quite as well as it might be. Shoddy workmanship, obvious put in place by a visiting contestant. Not a Squat.

Curmudgeon McThugger's love of pizza and booz, of course, is nothing to do with it at all. She's a fine figure of Squat. It's shoddy workmanship. Only possible explanation for the fence post coming loose, sending Curmudgeon crashing to the ground.

Curmudgeon McThugger is followed down by parts of the fence which were leaning precariously on said post, and then by Mange Whittle - the previously sleeping guard. The twins manage to dive to a safer purchase up above.

The McThugger's element of surpise has been blown! Opprobrium McThugger quickly overpowers Mange, not hard since Mange is still somewhat dazed, having just been rudely awakened from a dream of owning fabulous amounts of recker.

The McThuggers must still act quickly. Luckily there is now a gaping hole in the fence through which they can gain entrance to Squat Hole. They waste no time in so doing. Now to find Brawlin' Street.

The McThugger gang quickly navigate through the outpost's labyrinthine, and ever shifting back streets until soon they are completely lost.

Misanthropy “Missy Ann” McThugger: “Where the fook are we?” Bilge: “'Ow the fook should oi know?” Missy Ann: “Well fookin' ask someone then!” Bilge accosts a passing Squat. “Where the fook are we?” “Your in fookin' Squat Hole you dick'ead!”

Missy Ann McThugger wades in. “We know we're in Squat Hole you dick'ead!” “Well why d'you fookin ask uz for then you dick'ead?” “We wanna know where in Squat Hole we are you dozey fooker!” “You're in the Squat Hole part of Squat Hole! You fookin' fick fooker!”

Missy Ann McThugger will not take this sort of abuse lying down. “Oo are you callin' a fookin' fick fooker?” Slap. One brief punch up later, the McThuggers look for another passer-by. Several newly unconscious passers-by later and they are no further forward.

Missy Ann McThugger decides on a change of tactic. “Weez askin' the wrong question! Oi'll try again. Watch this!” She finds a new passing Squat to ask. “Where the fook are…NO Ow do we get to Brawlin' Street?”

Missy Ann McThugger's new tactic gets results. “Itz down there innit you dick'ead!” One last newly unconscious Squat later and the McThuggers are on their way.

Missy Ann McThugger reach Brawlin Street without further incident. Once there, they aim for their real target. The Skronky Pot. Gathering together outside, they charge in screaming. “YOU FOOKERZ! THIS IZ OURS!!”

Mildew Skronky and Mumpsimus Blenkinsop who are working in the Pot at the time, are taken by surprise, quickly overpowered and thrown out. “YOU GO AND FETCH SEWAGE!” Mumpsimus quickly scurries away to do just that.

Mildew Skronky stays here shouting abuse as she waits for Su to arrive. This does not take long. Once on the scene, Su quickly opens up negotiations. “WOT THE FOOK DO YOU WANT THEN?”

Missy Ann McThugger leans out the door. “WE WANT TEN MILLION RECKER! OR ELSE!” “OR ELSE WOT? YOU DOZY FOOKIN' DICK'EAD YOU! YOU LET MILDEW GO ALREADY 'AVEN'T YOU? YOU FICK FACKER! YOU 'AVEN'T GOT ANYFING TO MAKE ME!”

Mildew Skronky's release was a carefully calculated ploy on Missy Ann's part. She's already seen that holding family members hostage doesn't work from when she tried this tactic with Chlamydia in Booz.¹⁾

Missy Ann McThugger has decided to hit the Skronkys where it really hurts. In the wallet. “WEEZ GOT THE POT!” She places said Pot in plain view in the doorway and stands with a bucket of hot soapy water poised over it.

Big Su Skronky gasps in horror. “YOU WUDDUN DARE!” “OH WUDDUN OI? OY YOU CLUMSY DICK'EAD!” This last to Belch who has banged into her from behind. An accident with unfortunate consequences.

Missy Ann McThugger spills the entire contents of her bucket into the Pot. Hot soapy water and raw Skronky. Raw Skronky and hot soapy water. Hydrochloric acid and caustic soda. Richard Dawkins and Billy Graham. Some things were never meant to mix.

Missy Ann McThugger reels back as the two mutually antithetical substances start to react. The Pot begins to shake and bubble. Steam rises up off it, followed by thick brown smoke with strange opaque bubbles mixed up in it.

Big Su Skronky stares in horrid fascination at the phenomena. It is only when one particularly large and vicious looking bubble floats towards her and bursts right in front of her leaving a large (relatively) cleanish looking patch that she takes action and runs.

The bubbles start to spread out into Squat Hole, leaving large, wet, clean patches wherever they land. One chases Scumbelly Perkins down Brawlin' Street, finally catching him outside Tynan's Gym “Nnnooohhh!!” He is caught up in it and taken bouncing all over the outpost.

Bubbles are spreading futher and futher round the Hole. A large sickly green one chases Mildew down Brawlin' Street. She turns into Other Shite Road and takes refuge in Booz but there is no escape.

Chlamydia Skronky: “Ere, wot yu doin ere…WOT THU FACKS THUT??!?” The patrons are too busy fighting to immediately realise what is going on. They are soon made aware when the bubble bursts on top of them, drenching them all in soapy water. The screams are loud and long.

The McThuggers are stuck inside the building that houses the Pot. The only exit is through the heaving, seething maelstrom which is the Pot. There is nowhere to run to, no escape. They are hit worse than anybody. “AAAGGGHHH!!!”

All around, terrified Squats flee for safety. One small group try to find refuge from a particularly brutal looking bubble in K'n'S. The chef Sarky Williams lifts a slice of pizza to his mouth as they enter and tries to guess what they'll all order but changes his guess when a large bubble follows them in.

Sarky, the group of Squats and the patrons already in the restaurant all bolt and try to get through the back door at the same time which is a tight squeeze to say the least and also quite pointless as the back door is a deadend and leads to nowhere but the cesspit, which doubles as a latrine.

The cesspit is already quite full after yesterday's extra-strong curry night - the Squats are stuck in a pincer movement and end up caught in both pit and bubble. The consequences cannot be told without exposing the author to liabilities over readers' mental health.

The Skronkys have had a decisive blow struck against them. Squat Hole has suffered. But the McThuggers have paid a heavy price. They are angry now, and this can surely not be the end of it all.

For more stories from Squat Hole, see here.
For an overview of information resources on the Squats and Squat Hole see The Squat Hole Project.