Restorative Justice - Squat Hole Style

See here for the events leading up to this.

Oliver Hernandez the Joker is wondering what delights today might have in store for him. An outpost invasion perhaps? They're always fun, you never know quite what's going to happen. That's the joy of living on this Island.

Big Su Skronky storms in through the gate at the head of a large contingent of Squats. Oliver raises one eyebrow. This could be interesting. You never know with Squats, anything might happen. They might attack you. They might try to fool you with the most obvious ploy. They might…

Big Su Skronky storms up to Oliver. “You fookin thieved Squat Hole you fooking soap-user!” Oliver is impressed, this has exceded his wildest imaginings! He's been accused of stealing their outpost! He could have kept guessing all week and he would never have guessed that! This is looking like a good day.

Big Su Skronky “Wot you done wiv Squat Hole then?” “Why madam! Why, pray tell, do you think I've stolen your outpost?” “Don't you smarm me! We woz 'avin' a carnivul, Dogend threw some of Robert Catesby's barrels on the fire loik, there woz a big flush und bang!”

Big Su Skronky “When we got back from the failboat, Squat Hole's gone innit? You fookin stole it didn't you?” This just keeps getting better. The Squats throw barrels of gunpowder onto a bonfire, there's an explosion, Squat Hole disappears…it's his fault.

Big Su Skronky “So wot you gonna do about it then?” Oliver is at a loss for words. Just how does one respond to something like that? “Well madam,” he tries “I'll let you see if you can find it. Please feel free.” and with a bow and a flourish, he steps back and indicates the main bulk of Ace High behind him.

Big Su Skronky is a bit unsure of herself now. She hadn't actually planned much past this point. Go to Jokerton, shout, maybe hit somebody, take back Squat Hole. That's as far as the plan went.

Big Su had vaguely imagined that the Joker's would show off Squat Hole somewhere prominent, as she herself would. But the Jokers, being the tricksy creatures they are, haven't sone this and have hidden it instead. Well she better find it then, or take something else in lieu.

Big Su looks round. Booz would probably be a good place to look for. The Jokers have never had their own pub and they're bound to be jealous of those that do. If you're going to steal one, then you'd go for the finest on the Island.

Big Su Skronky can't see Booz. The Jokers must have hidden it well. She'll settle for what she can find. She points to the Cake or Death stall. “Take that!” she orders Rambunctious Taylor and Cantankerous Biggs.

Cantankerous Biggs and Rambunctious Taylor approach The Cake or Death stall and make to grab it. The Joker running it stands back. This is far to interesting to get in the way of. Cantankerous pulls one way, Rambunctious pulls the other.

Cantankerous Biggs is part of a tug of war. The cake falls off the table and onto his foot. Food! He starts stuffing some in his mouth. Rambunctious grabs onto some as well. Some of the other Squats seeing free cake join in. Soon there is a fight over it.

Big Su Skronky “Oi you fookers! You're not meant to be fightin'! You're meant to be grabbin' back Squat Hole!” She wades in herself, which only exacebates matters. Oliver looks on disappointed. Squats fighting is not improbable. It's positively normal and dull in fact. He decides to do something about them now.

Big Su Skronky and the other squats are getting stuck into the fight. Oliver pulls out and flips his coin to decide what to do. One of the Squats sees it. “RECKER!!” The fight moves location and starts in earnest.

Big Su Skronky and the Squats fight on. They fail to notice a strange green glow coming from the coin. Oliver watches, interested. Something seems to be happening. Limbs are changing into different things. The Squats are still too busy fighting to notice.

Cantankerous Biggs momentarily has a robot left leg. He uses it to kick Turpitude Carmichael with. The green glow intensifies. There is a sudden blinding flash, and the Squats are gone.

Oliver Hernandez is happy with the result. The coin seems to have disappeared, but it will be back. He goes his way, wondering what else today will bring.

For more stories from Squat Hole, see here.

For an overview of information resources on the Squats and Squat Hole see The Squat Hole Project.