Clarissa Dunst

Age: 43, roughly¹⁾
Pronouns: She/her
Species: Plain ol' human
Previous Occupations: Digital archivist (paid, mainland), Exorcist (volunteer, mainland)
Current Occupations: Contestant (paid), Bookless Librarian (volunteer)

“Just because I work with books doesn't mean I'm well-read!”

Before everything went wrong, Clarissa worked as a digital archivist - collecting and filing old, obscure pieces of media, so that future generations might be able to enjoy them. Then the Internet came alive, the EMP bombings sent everyone back to the stone age, and poof there goes her life's work and her livelihood. What was digitized was forever lost, and that which wasn't was instead seized by organizations deemed more important.

In the years that followed, Clarissa would eventually find a new calling as a sort-of librarian. She'd never considered herself much of a reader, but she found books preferable to the horrible, violent reality show that dominated the post-apocalyptic airwaves. Also people kept telling her that she looked pissed-off all the time. Which turned out to be a great way of intimidating book-thieves and collecting on late fees.

Doesn't mean jack-shit on an island full of monsters, though. Much as she hated the show, getting kidnapped by the government and thrown out a plane sure makes her wish she'd watched more of it because she has no idea what the bloody fuck is going on.

It's been two and a bit years since Clarissa landed in a dumpster, and she still hasn't gotten used to it - perhaps from a lack of trying. Certainly the people are less intimidating than they used to be, the strange shapes and sizes, limb counts and teeth growing more familiar by the day. But she's not here by choice. She still longs for home, and the people she left behind.

Most of all, she longs for privacy. Clarissa was never the most open person, and having every single second of her life blasted across the airwaves to every single person she knows fills her with dread. What's she hiding? The answer will bore you! But she's hiding it all the same. Pry it from her cold dead hands.

Clarissa currently resides in the Inanimate Bookless Library up at N32, which she runs as a general lending business thing whenever she's not fighting monsters. You won't find books there, not now, not ever, nor will you find the sort of tools Suzie would kneecap her for stocking. But you'll find just about anything else you could ever need. And a whole lot of wank you don't.

Stay a while. Ask her about the mainland, or her time in the jungle. Don't pry too deep and you'll find she has a lot of stories to tell. Ones she tragically can't write down due to her home's literature allergy. And frankly, the longer she keeps them in, the closer she inches to losing her mind.

In the interest of not murdering the server's bandwidth, you can find (most of) my Clarissa doodles on toyhou.se.

The narrator responsible for the disaster that is Clarissa is also responsible for the disasters that are Jack Haas and A Lucky Contestant.

No, my real name isn't any of those things. Probably just as well. Anyway that's all yer getting.