Colourful Shit You Can Put In Your Mouth

Release Month: Gumball Machine (September 2019), Recycled Crayons (September 2021)
Effect: Once per day, dispenses a colourful bit of shit you can put in your mouth. Flavors vary and can be gifted.

Back in 2019, Focker & Pratt began experimenting with radical new candy distribution technology that didn't rely on the presence of explosives. This proved to be wildly unpopular amongst the universally arson-happy clientele of the Super Fancy Fun Club, so they shrugged their shoulders and pivoted to selling art supplies instead.

This did not stop us from eating them. Mmm. Wax.

Gumballs and crayons aren't candy, in the sense that they won't give you the usual sugar-high buffs and stamina boost. They don't count as food either, as they won't affect your waistline or fix your horrible vitamin D deficiency. But they do count as delicious, and have different effects on your mood:

• Red: Makes you want to fucking smack something, boosting your attack.
• Blue: Makes you feel tough, boosting your defence.
• Purple: Makes you feel somewhere in the middle, boosting both attack and defence.
• Green: Tricks you into thinking you've had a vegetable, restoring your HP to full.
• Yellow: Makes you, uh… okay I lied. This one just gives you stamina.

Crumballs can't be bought or sold at eBoys, and if you're reading this you're way too late to buy a machine or box yourself. But Gumbyons can be gifted, so if you're having a tough time getting through a Drive Kill you can always ask around and see if anyone's got some to spare.