Meat
- Rules of Thumb
- Meat by Level
  - Level 1
  - Level 2
  - Level 3
  - Level 4
  - Level 5
  - Level 6
  - Level 7
  - Level 8
  - Level 9
  - Level 10
  - Level 11
  - Level 12
  - Level 13
  - Level 14
  - Level 15
  - Level 16
  - Level 17

Meat

Brought to you by old wiki editors¹⁾, we present: the big big big table of meat sources. Someone should probably put some text here explaining what meat actually does and where you can learn to cook, but eh, one thing at a time.²⁾

Rules of Thumb

If it's human, it probably has 1 Crap Meat, 2 Half-Decent, and 1 Tasty. Exceptions show up depending on how fit/obese the human in question is and how many there are.
Fat humans (like Santa) tend to have crap meat, and fit humans tend to have Tasty meat.
If it's an object that ought to be inanimate or mechanical, there is no meat. Period.
Zombies are generally bad eating. Except the Zombified Luciano Pavarotti; he counts as Human for some reason.
Squats at best have 2 half-decent meat, and otherwise usually just have lots of crap meat.
Small animals, insects, and microscopic organisms usually only have one slice of Meat; rarely is it worth the Stamina to clean them.
The Lion cannot be cleaned, because the Lion cannot be killed, only dissuaded.
Remember, you are after Tasty Meat if you're looking solely for Stamina purposes. Try to fill your cooking pot as much as possible. Pad it with Half-Decent if you have insufficient Tasty Meat, or continue slaughtering.
If you're looking to sell off your excess for profit, make sure you know which outposts accept which. Kittania accepts only the Tasty stuff (12 req each), SquatHole recycles Crap Meat (2 req) and New Home aims for the middle (6 req), as does New Pittsburgh.³⁾
This is Improbable Island, any and all facts here may be lies or at least statistics.

Meat by Level

Level 1

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
A Pile of Uncooked Meat	0	0	5
Angry Squat	2	1	0
Anti-Busker	1	1	2
Bar Fly	2	1	0
Disney Historical Accuracy Department	1	2	1
Evolution's Greatest Failure	2	2	3
Flying Hipster Pig	0	1	4
Hiker	0	2	2
Lion	Lions cannot be killed so easily.
Little Old Lady	3	1	0
Master of Disguise	2	1	0
Mouldywarp	1	2	3
Old Crippled Beggar⁴⁾	1	1	0
Reginald, Your Paper Boy	1	2	1
Scotsman Clad in Kilt	2	2	0
The Tooth Fairy	0	0	1
Thing from the Back of the Fridge	2	0	0
Your Own Tongue	0	0	1

Level 2

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Admiral Flufferson	0	2	0
Blonde Heiress	4	2	0
Crazed Tech Support Rep	1	2	1
Drunken Nudist	1	2	1
Fat Butcher	2	1	2
Lion	I told you, Lions can't be killed so easily.
Man from the Ministry	1	1	1
Mathematician	1	2	1
Network Sponsor	1	2	0
Pope	1	1	2
Professional Romance Writer	1	1	1
Rat Pack	1	0	0
Sinister Dexter	1	1	1
SpiderKitty	2	0
The Guy Who Couldn't Beat Tom Carney	1	2	1
Three French Hens	0	0	5 (x3) 15 total
Unicycle Entertainer	1	2	1
Zombie Puppy	4	0	0

Level 3

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Cereal Killer	2	1	1
Dump Truck Operator	1	2	1
Feral Budget Horse	2	2	0
Giant Squat	4	0	0
Guy Who Keeps Running Behind You Whenever You Turn	2	1	1
Half-Centaur	0	1	2
Lame Ass	3	2	1
Lion	Nope. Still can't fit a lion in your mouth.
Monster At The End of This Path	1	1	1
Passive-Aggressive Co-Worker	1	1	2
Religious Zombie	4	0	0
Self-Conscious Dwarf	2	0	0
Squat Paladin	2	0	0
Tall Squat	4	0	0
Tour Guide	1	1	2
Towel-Less Hitchhiker	1	2	1
Whining Old-school Gamer	2	1	1
Zen Master	1	1	2
Zombie Kitten	5	0	0

Level 4

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Animated Aubergine	1	0	0
Archaeopteryx	1	2	1
Bear Strapped to Back of Another Bear	0	0	8
Death or Cake Man	1	1	2
Duck & Penguin in Spats	1	1	2
Fire-Breathing Kangaroo	1	2	3
Generic Monster	1	1	1
Humongous Giant Clam	0	0	6
Kentucky Fried Zombie	6	0	0
Lion	Still no.
Occam's Razorback	3	2	1
Orc	7	2	0
Seven Filthy Thieving Squats⁵⁾	10 (x7) 70 total	0	0
Squat Plumber	3	1	0
Unlucky Bastard	1	1	1

Level 5

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Enchanted Stewpot	5	2	0
Felonious Skunk	3	0	0
Fiddler on the Roof	1	2	1
Foreing Traveler	1	0	2
Hannibal Lecture	0	2	4
Harry, the Gatekeeper's Mate	0	0	5
Lion	Are you even listening to me?
Monkey Ghostwriter Franchise	1	2	4
Octophant	1	6	1
Pizza That Time Forgot	2	0	0
Sigmund Freud	1	2	1
Socktopus	8	0	0
Turkey	1	2	3
Violin Suspense	0	2	4

Level 6

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Ambush Hamster	0	0	1
Army of Hippopotami	0	0	4 (x8) 32 Total
Bettie the Amazing Kung-Fu Butterfly	1	0	0
Dali the Four-Clawed Lobster	0	0	4
Emu	1	1	2
Lion	I think that would qualify as treason here.
Member of Doktor Improbable Lovers Anonymous	1	2	1
Metamorphic Mess	0	0	1
Puppies of a Minor Diplomatic Incident	0	1(x6) 6 total	4 (x6) 24 total
Quivering Flesh Heap	10	0	0
Pack of Mad Scrabble Players	1 (x5) 5 total	2 (x5) 10 total	1 (x5) 5 total
That Cutie From Work	1	2	3
The Walrus	0	2	3
Uranium Man	10	0	0
Well-Meaning Moron	1	2	1
Wild Monkeys	1 (x6) 6 total	6 (x6) 36 total	0

Level 7

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
A G-nother G-nu	1	2	3
Albert	1	2	1
Dingo-Eating Baby	0	0	2
Diseased Lung	6	0	0
Doggymorph	10	0	0
Emily the Buxom Barmaid	1	1	2
Gothic Romantic Heroine	1	2	1
A Single Sheep	False alarm, it's the fucking Lion again.
Rodent of Unusual Size	4	0	0
Rogue Orrery	1	1	2
Seth, the Handsome Bard	1	2	1
Sorority Girl in Nightie	1	2	2
Thesaurus Rex	1	2	3
Typo Gremlin	7	0	0
Velociraptor	1	3	0
Work Experience Lads	2 (x4) 8 total	1 (x4) 4 total	0

Level 8

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Antinlay Igpay	0	0	3
Bees and Ants	10	0	0
Completely Rational Monster	10	0	0
Crab Herdism	0	0	5
David Attenborough	1	2	1
Dirty Chippy	5	0	0
Fire Alarm	1	2	1
Flock of Swallows	3	1	0
Gordon the Cheese Eater	2	1	1
Health and Safety Inspector	1	2	1
Kierkegaard	1	2	1
Lion	Eighth time is not the charm.
Rind Flayer	1	2	1
Rude Duplicate Creature	1	2	1
Stereotypical Severe Nun	2	1	2
Totally Baffling Reference	1	2	3
Weatherman	1	2	0
Wild Horses	0	4 (x6) 24 total	4 (x6) 24 total
Your Future Self	1	2	1

Level 9

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Anthropomorphosized Circular Saw Philosopher	1	2	1
Beholder of the Behinder	1	2	1
Bicyclops	2	0
Cattywampus	7	0	0
Conglomeration of Probable Creatures	20	0	0
Gary Gygax	1	2	1
Giant Teddy Bear	3	1	0
Grammar Police	2	2	1
Guerilla Gorilla	3	3	0
Insurance Salesman	1	1	3
Militant Pacifist	3	3	0
Predatory Petitioner	1	1	2
Red Herring	0	0	1
Shaggy Dog	0	4	0
The Eggman	1	1	2
Wolpertinger	4	4	0

Level 10

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
A flock of primordial chickens	0	8	0
Cafeteria Lady	1	0	0
Diplomat	1	2	1
Draughtsbeast	0	2	4
Flying Helper Monkey	2	2	0
Ham Bush	0	0	3
Immortal Slasher Villian	3	2	2
Interrupting Cow	0	2	5
Land Shark	0	1	4
Panthera leo	Non poteris comedere leonem.
Motorcycle Daredevil	1	2	0
Pacifist	3	1	0
Reluctant Cannibal	2	2	0
Santa	5	1	0
Unlicensed Plastic Surgeon	2	1	1
Vegan Zombie	6	0	0
Whale	10	0	5

Level 11

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Another Goddamn Monster	1	2	3
Berserk Gardener	1	2	1
Bookface	2	0	0
Canned Leeches⁶⁾	2 (x6) 12 total	0	0
Cloud of Reporters	0	10	0
Crap Meat	5	1	4
Goddamn Aye-Aye	3	1	0
Lion	Perseverance is a virtue in all matters except this one.
Mini-Minotaur	0	1	2
Moose	1	2	4
Phony Psychic	1	2	1
S-Trumpet	1	2	1
Squats with Matching Factory Uniforms	2	2	1
Union Member with Seniority	1	2	1
Your Present Self	1	2	1

Level 12

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Araneafelis Gigantea	0	0	5
Crafty Joker	1	2	1
Feral Kittybikes	3 (x3) 9 total	3 (x3) 9 total	3 (x3) 9 total
Flock of Fanboys	4 (x6) 24 total	2 (x6) 12 total	2 (x6) 12 total
Flying Sea Serpent	4	1	0
Lion	False alarm, there isn't one at this level. Just a lamp. No you can't eat those either.
Lion	Never mind. Sneaky BASTARD
Pinball Wizard	2	1	1
Pretentious Jerks	1 (x3) 3 total	2 (x3) 6 total	1 3 total
Purple People Eater	4	2	0
Robert Catesby	1	2	1
Society of British Bedstead Men	1 (x4) 4 total	2 (x4) 8 total	1 (x4) 4 total
Veteran Player	0	2	2
Washed Up Celebrity	1	2	1

Level 13

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Armoured Housefly	1	0	0
Canadian Mosquito	1	0	0
Concerned Parent	1	2	1
Lion	There's plenty of other things to try and eat out here, you know.
Meter Maid	1	2	1
Oronte	1	2	1
Panthzer	0	0	10
Ravening Bugblatter Beast of Aaaaaaaaarrrgh	3	4	5
Reluctant Rabbits	2	4	2
Smog	4	2	4
Snake Oil Salesman	4	4	0
Someone Else's Quest Monster	3	2	1
SpiderMorph	7	3	0
Squat with fungal infection	4	0	0
Squat Zombie Mutant	7	1	0
The Last Piece of Cake	1	0	0
Zombified Luciano Pavarotti	1	2	1

Level 14

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Bumbling Ally	1	2	1
Jokosquabotantmorph	1	2	1
Lion	Why don't you try and eat some other type of large cat for a change?
Madness Duck	2	3	0
Ninjas	0	0	4 (x4) 16 total
Seventy-Headed Hellhound	“A shit ton.”⁷⁾	0	0
Son of Budget Horse	1	2	2
Squats from the Train Station	12	0	0
The Unreality of Time	1	2	1
Three Droogs	3	3	0
Urbane Antagonist	4	2	1
Your Past Self	1	2	1

Level 15

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Adult Mouldywarp	0	1	6
Betentacled Horror	0	0	5
Copy Cat⁸⁾	0	2	2
Count of Monte Python	1	2	1
Dan	1	2	1
Grue	0	5	1
Humanmorph	1	2	1
Lion	After today's events I once again must stress it is physically impossible to fit an entire Lion in your mouth.
Mephistopheles, Duck of Hell	0	3	0
People on Streets	1	2	1
Rejected Monsters	20	0	0
Season Three Test Monster	20	0	0
The Angler	1	2	1
Unbeatable Monster	0	0	4
Undead Dreaming Catfish God	0	0	4
Wizard of Yendor	1	2	2
Your Pasta Self	2	1	0

Level 16

Search for big trouble while level fifteen.

Name	Crap Meat	Decent Meat	Tasty Meat
Custodian of the Slushpile of Doom	1	2	1
Mongol Hordette	0	2	2
Squicky the Bunny	0	0	1
This Guy	2	3	1

Level 17

These enemies are so deadly, you can't eat any part of them.

Incredible but true is the fact that crap meat has found its way out of Improbable Island into the real world: Crap Meat Sandwich⁹⁾

¹⁾

Specifically Kepra, Seor, Antalin, Duphenix, Corinne, Mr. Infrablack, Kuroiten, Reverb, and Rose - this is one of the few with credits!

²⁾

Also some monsters/encounters are currently missing, as the chart stopped being updated in 2017 (I think?). Please add them if you know 'em!

³⁾

Note that these prices are pitiful and selling meat is generally useless.

⁴⁾ , ⁵⁾

Does this still exist?

⁶⁾

aka Hover Leech

⁷⁾

In other words, 20.

⁸⁾

See? Much more edible than a Lion!

⁹⁾

Dead link – fish this out of archive.org?

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