Table of Contents

Armor Reference Tables

The cost, effects, and unlock requirements all the stuff (or lack thereof) that you put on your body.1)

For an alternate but incomplete option, here's a spreadsheet that's post Numbers Biggening and should be updated over time. It has both armour and weapons, enjoy!

Armor

Name Cost Effects DKs Needed
Frilly Pink Panties 60 Req Defence +10 0
Cotton Pyjamas 240 Req Defence +20 0
Hippy Poncho 540 Req Defence +30 0
Canvas Overalls 960 Req Defence +40 0
Leather Trenchcoat 1500 Req Defence +50 0
Leather Racing Suit 2160 Req Defence +60 0
Kevlar-Armoured Biker Gear 2940 Req Defence +70 0
Chainmail Vest 3840 Req Defence +80 0
Re-enactment Steel Armour 4860 Req Defence +90 0
Bulletproof Vest 6000 Req Defence +100 0
Armoured Combat Suit 7260 Req Defence +110 0
Assault Suit 7260 Req Defence +110 0
Encounter Suit 8640 Req Defence +120 0
Plastanium Armoured Suit 10140 Req Defence +130 0
SilkSteel Bodysuit 11760 Req Defence +140 0
Invisisuit 13500 Req Defence +150 0
Tuxedo 915 Req Defence +30
Charm +5
Favour +5 		1
Clown Suit 390 Req Defence +30
Charm -5 		1
Bunny Suit 1290 Req Defence +30
Charm +10
Favour +10 		2
French Maid's Outfit 540 Req Defence +20
Charm +10
Favour +5 		2
Nurse's Uniform 990 Req Defence +30
Charm +10
Favour +10 		3
Bunny Suit with SPH 15 Req Defence +30
Charm -35 		3
Barrel 500 Req Defence +50
Stamina -25,000 		4
Metal rubbish bin 1540 Req Defence +70
Stamina -25,000 		4
Non-Newtonian Shock Armour 13390 Req Defence +130
Charm +10
Favour +10 		5
SPS Combat Armour 9360 Req
1 Cig 		Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina - 50,000 		5
SA-SPS-1 Combat Armour
(Servo Assisted) 		15760 Req
1 Cigs 		Defence +160
Charm +5 		6
SA-SPS-2 Combat Armour
(Servo Assisted) 		29250 Req
2 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina +50,000 		6
LS-SPS-1 Combat Armour
(Life Support) 		49360 Req
1 Cig 		Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina -50,000
HP Regen +50 (for ten rounds) 		7
LS-SPS-2 Combat Armour
(Life Support) 		69360 Req
2 Cigs 		Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina -50,000
HP Regen +50 (for 15 rounds) 		7
LS-SPS-3 Combat Armour
(Life Support) 		89360 Req
3 Cigs 		Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina -50,000
HP Regen +50 (for 20 rounds) 		8
SA-LS-SPS-1 Combat Armour
(Servo-Assisted Life Support) 		62185 Req
2 Cigs 		Attack +10
Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina +25,000
HP Regen +50 (for 10 rounds) 		8
SA-LS-SPS-2 Combat Armour
(Servo-Assisted Life Support) 		82185 Req
4 Cigs 		Attack +10
Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina +25,000
HP Regen +50 (for 15 rounds) 		9
SA-LS-SPS-3 Combat Armour
(Servo-Assisted Life Support) 		109250 Req
6 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina +50,000
HP Regen +50 (for 20 rounds) 		9
SA-LS-SPS-4 Combat Armour
(Servo-Assisted Life Support) 		189250 Req
8 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina +50,000
HP Regen +80 (25 Rounds) 		10
SA-LS-SPS-5 Combat Armour
(Servo-Assisted Life Support) 		352850 Req
10 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +160
Charm +5
Stamina +75,000
HP Regen +100 (for 40 rounds) 		10
SA-LS-SPS-5 Combat Armour (in red)
(Now we're talking.) 		361400 Req
12 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +160
Charm +20
Favour +20
Stamina +75,000
HP Regen +100 (for 40 rounds) 		10
Force Generator 31260 Req
2 Cigs 		Defence +10
Defence +1100% (for 200 rounds) 		11
Lightning Suit 100240 Req
4 Cigs 		Defence +20
Damage Shield +100% (for 200 rounds) 		12
MK II Force Generator 153960 Req
4 Cigs 		Defence +10
Defence +1700% (for 450 rounds) 		13
Improbable Adaptive Armour 160060 Req
8 Cigs 		Defence +10
Regen HP equal to damage dealt2) 		14
Lacy Lingere 21660 Req
2 Cigs 		Defence +10
Charm-based Enemy Attack debuff 		15
Bacon Suit 540 Req
2 Cigs 		Defence +30
Enemy Attack +20%
Enemy Defence -20% 		16
Smoky Bacon Suit 540 Req
2 Cigs 		Defence +30
Enemy Attack +40%
Enemy Defence -40% 		17
Yankee Bacon Suit 540 Req
2 Cigs 		Defence +30
Enemy Attack -40%
Enemy Defence +40% 		18

Helmets

Name Cost Effect DKs Needed
Tinfoil Hat 200 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +10
Charm -5
Favour +5 		0
Sieve with Bungees 200 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +10 0
Goldfish Bowl 800 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +20 2
Saucepan & Foam Padding 1800 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +30 4
Ski Mask 1800 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +20
Charm +5 		6
Welding Mask 700 Req
5 Cigs 		Attack -20
Defence +30
Charm +5 		8
Mr NoseyBonk Mask 2475 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +10
Charm -25
Favour +5
Enemy Attack +10%
Enemy Defence -25% 		10
Motorcycle Crash Helmet 5000 Req
5 Cigs 		Attack +10
Defence +40 		12
Riot Mask 1200 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +40
Charm -5 		14
Military-grade Helmet 5000 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +50 16
Plastanium Helmet 7200 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +60 18
Non-Newtonian Shock Helmet 9800 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +70 20
SPS Combat Helmet 12800 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +80 22
SPS Combat Helmet (in red)
(Hell yeah.) 		20800 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +80
Charm +10 		24
HUD-SPS Combat Helmet 25200 Req
5 Cigs 		Attack +10
Defence +80
Charm +10 		~273)
HUD-AI-SPS Combat Helmet 30000
5 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +80
Charm +10 		~284)

Gloves

Name Cost Effect DKs Needed
Hello Kitty cotton mittens 1200 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +10
Charm +5
Favour +5 		0
Gardening Gloves 800 Req
5 Cigs 		Defence +20 3
Welding Gloves 1800 Req
5 Cigs 		Attack +10
Defence +20 		5?5)
Biker Gloves 7200 Req
5 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +20
Charm +5
Favour +5 		7
Chainmail Gauntlets 7200 Req
5 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +20
Charm +10 		9
Non-Newtonian Shock Gloves 10000 Req
5 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +30
Charm +5
Favour +5 		11
SPS Combat Gauntlets 13200 Req
5 Cigs 		Attack +30
Defence +30
Charm +5
Favor +5 		13
AMP-SPS Combat Gauntlets 16800
5 Cigs 		Attack +40
Defence +30
Charm +5
Favour +5 		15

Boots

Name Cost Effect DKs Needed
Pink Cotton Socks 700 Req
10 Cigs 		Defence +10
Stamina +25,0006) 		0
Bunny Slippers 1200 Req
10 Cigs 		Defence +10
Stamina +25,000
Favour +5 		3
Hi-Tek Trainers 1200 Req
10 Cigs 		Defence +10
Stamina +50,000 		8
Hiking Boots 1700 Req
10 Cigs 		Hiking Boots +10
Stamina +75,000 		12
Stiletto Heels 800 Req
10 Cigs 		Attack +10
Defence +10
Charm +5
Stamina -25,000 		16
Steel-Toe Boots 4800 Req
10 Cigs 		Attack +10
Defence +20 		20
Football Boots 300 Req
10 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence -10
Stamina -25,000 		24
Hippy Sandals 700 Req
10 Cigs 		Defence +10
Stamina +25,000 		~277)
Tesco's Carrier Bags & String 200 Req
10 Cigs 		Defence +10
Charm -5
Stamina +25,000 		34
SPS Combat Boots 7800 Req
10 Cigs 		Attack +10
Defence +20
Charm +5
Favour +5
Stamina +50,000 		36
SABS-SPS Combat Boots 10800 Req
10 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +20
Charm +5
Favour +10
Stamina +100,000 		40
SABS-LAC-SPS 'Ripper' Combat Boots 17200 Req
10 Cigs 		Attack +20
Defence +20
Charm +5
Favour +10
Stamina +150,000 		44
Jump Boots 4700 Req
10 Cigs 		Defence +10
Charm +5
Favour +10 		45?8)

Assorted

Name Obtained From Effect
The Watcher's Swimsuit July 2017 Monthly Memento Defence +29)
Full Frontal Nudity Take your clothes off as a Kittymorph Defence +???10)11)
Thoroughly Undignified Nudity Fail to put pants on as a Human Defence +0
1)
Ported from the old spreadsheet here. I can't find credit for this one - please add it if you know it!
2)
Spreadsheet notes this doesn't work - was it ever fixed?
3) , 4) , 5) , 7) , 8)
Exact value unknown.
6)
I have no idea how that translates to the modern percentage system.
9)
It's unclear if this was ever timestenned, as the people who have one presumably don't want The Watcher to murder them for nicking it.
10)
Is this percentage based or a flat buff?
11)
Ha, “buff”.