Chlamydia Skronky is busy cashing up at the end of the day. This is when Booz is quietest and it's good to take advantage of this, the new day rush will be here soon enough. Suddenly a Squat rushes screaming in the door.
Chlamydia Skronky knows most of the usual crowd, but doesn't recognise this Squat. He runs up screaming and brandishing a baseball bat. More unknown Squats are coming in behind, also screaming and laying about with a variety of weapons.
Chlamydia Skronky is about to say something, this sort of behavious is not really considered good etiquette in Squat Hole. One introduces oneself with a polite “Is you lookin' at moi pint?” or similar before starting a fight.
Chlamydia Skronky is however jumped on from behind by two Squats who have made their own entry.
Bilge and Belch McThugger lay into Chlamydia, with help from Carious. Chlamydia puts up a good fight, but is overcome. Soon she has her hands tied behind her back with the twins sitting on her. The rest of the McThuggers are taking on the customers still in the bar.
Chlamydia Skronky's clientele are always up for a fight, but they have had plenty already tonight, and they're all rather drunk by now. They are easily overcome. Vulgaris McThugger is wearing thick protective clothing against her secret weapon.
Vulgaris McThugger has a bucket of hot soapy water! Well, lukewarm soapy water by now, but still. She throws it all over a knot of locals! This sort of chemical warfare is surely illegal under the terms of the Geneva Convention, but Vulgaris a determined and ruthless Squat.
Chlamydia Skronky's regulars run screaming out of the bar in the face of such brutal treatment. Soon there is only the McThuggers and Chlamydia herself left.
Chlamydia Skronky is reduced to issuing threats. “Big Su won't loik this! Just you wait and see! Oim important oi am! She'll do wotever it takes to get me back!”
Vulgaris McThugger sneers. “Oi know! Thatz why we got you! This 'ere pub, this iz roitfully ourz innit? You stole it off of uz didn't you? We wantz it back. But not straight away! First we wantz some recker that you owe uz for takin' it off uz in the first place! Now shut up!”
Chlamydia Skronky tries to reply to this, but Belch sits on her head, and it's difficult to speak with a mouthful of arse.
Vulgaris McThugger takes up a position near the window and keeps a watch out. Soon it is New Day and the door is rattled as Squats returning from the Failboat try to come in for their first pint of the day.
Vulgaris McThugger has already made sure that the door is shut, bolted, and has a barricade of chairs and tables keeping it shut. Some enterprising Squats try to climb in through the window but are soon repulsed.
Vulgaris McThugger doesn't have to wait long for Big Su Skronky to show up. She has a bucket of what was once hot soapy water ready, although now it is rather cold. The bucket, or its contents at any rate, gets flung out of the window, narrowly missing Sewage.
Vulgaris McThugger “Weez got your Chlamydia 'ere. Weez holdin' 'er to ransom innit? We wantz foive million recker for 'er safe return.” Then, in response to Su's reply she shows her arse at the window, to demonstrate who she is.
Chlymidia Skronky shouts up from her position under Bilge McThugger, Belch being busy investigating the beer barrels. “Foiv mulliun recker? Iz that all? She'd pay ten times that for me! Leave that beer alone!”
Big Su Skronky's voice can be heard at top volume from outside “Foiv million recker? For 'er? Are you oot of your fookin' mind?” Chlymidia is speechless, but not for long. “Wot did she say?”
Vulgaris McThugger ignores Chlamydia, she is involved in serious negotiations. “Four million then!” “Four million recker? Oi wuddun't give you two recker and a bar of soap!”
Vulgaris McThugger is taken aback. She hadn't considered this as a possible response and isn't quite sure what to do next. The initiative is suddenly taken from out of her hands.
Chlymidia Skronky “WOT DID SHE FOOKIN' SAY?!?” Squat rage is up. Bilge McThugger suddenly finds himself flying through the air. “WUDDUN'T GIVE TWO RECKER AND A BAR OF SOAP?!?” The cords tying Chlymidia's hands are snapped and she storms over to the window.
Chlymidia Skronky shoves Vulgaris out of the way. “OI YOU FOOKIN' SHITE! DID YOU SAY YOU WUDDUN'T GIVE TWO RECKER AND A BAR OF SOAP?”
Various McThugger throw themselves on Chlamydia as she storms to the door and pulls down the barricade. They have no appreciable effect. Some leave Booz via the door, others via the window.
Booz is empty. But not for long. The doors burst open and in pour thirsty squats. There is nobody to serve at the bar, but the squats are clever and soon work out how to serve themselves. Almost. Usually money is collected, but this gets neglected.
If you want to read about the siege of Booz from the perspective of Squat Hole town square, then see here.
For more stories from Squat Hole, see here.
For an overview of information resources on the Squats and Squat Hole see The Squat Hole Project.