As with any dialect, every squat has a slightly different usage, so it's really not important to follow this religously. The use of any one speech trait will help emphasise 'squat', so perhaps pick one or two, and a favourite insult and just use those. Once those come naturally, then maybe throw in another one, or perhaps invent your own.
It can be helpful to speak a sentence in your own head, so that you can 'hear' how the squat is talking.
This is part of The Squat Hole Project.
To start with, write out a sentence in standard English and then go through and change it.
Would more swearing help?
Any words starting with an 'h', delete the 'h'.
Look at the vowels, change them around, generally to 'u's. If there are two vowels, consider getting rid of one altogether.
Consider changing 's's to 'z's, especially at the end of words.
Miss out inessential words altogether, especially 'the'.
When making a statement, end it so as to make it a question. Use 'innit?' (isn't it?) 'wunnit?' (wasn't it?) 'dudney?' (didn't he?) and the like.
Change 'me' to 'us' or better still 'uz'.
Miss 'g's off the ends of words, especially words ending 'ing'. Some squats change the 'g' for a 'k' instead.
Consider changing 'th' to 'f', especially where occuring in the middle of words rather than at the end.
Change 'er' to 'ah' or 'uh' - especially at the ends of words.
Try running some words together.
Get rid of all apostrophies unless it makes the word absolutely incomprehensible.
Give it up and just start typing in Welsh.
As with any subculture, the squats have their own slang and in words. Here are a few of the more common ones.
| Squatish | English |
|---|---|
| Uv | Of |
| Wun | One |
| Yu | You (subject) |
| Yer | You (object) /Your |
| Fink | Thing |
| Nuffin(k) | Nothing |
| Shite | Shit |
| Fook/Fack/Feck/Fak/Fek | Fuck |
| Mebbee | Maybe |
| Summat | Something |
| Gus.. | May I have.. |
| Gisuh.. | May I have a.. |
| Unyboggur | Anybody |
| Fuv | Lots - ie. higher than most squats can count to. |
| Cuttykut | Kittymorph |
| Cuttykutun | Kittiania |
| Frue-urmud frook | Mutant |
| Pugguh | Fight involving multiple combatants. |
| Fackus | Group of squats used as a (potential) fighting force. |
| In thu bufftub | Up Shit Creek |
| Smulls uv pigshite | Well Regarded |
| Thu soap | The police |
| Iz yu luckin at me point? | Are you looking at my pint? - An invitation for a fight. |
| Teuh jurkuh | Kick to the balls |
| Pukeh | “ ” |
| Note: The terms “Teuh jurker” and “Pukah” apparently have subtly different connotations amongst squats. These differences though are very hard for the untrained eye to see. It is inadvisable to ask squats to explain. | |
| Knee crucker | A belt round the back of the knees with a blunt object particularly when applied to a non-squat. |
| Durt etuh | Same as above, although again, there are apparently subtle differences in connotation. |
| Recker un lugs | A rat, so called because Kebabs 'N' Shite pays two requisition each for dead ones. |
| Puttuh | Officer in the Skronky Pot Protectors Society |
| Haj mallen | One day, I was walking around in New Pittsburgh when I met another squat. This being a very strange occurrence, I inquired as to his business in the Outpost. He extended his middle finger at me and instructed me to go and engage in the act of fornication, though he did not specify with whom I should perform said act; needless to say, we were fast friends by the end of the day. |
| Dick'ead | Comment indicating awe and respect. Try it on the next squat you see! |
| Soap Usur | “ ” |
| Fooka/Facka | “ ” |
| Wazzack | “ ” |
| Wanka | “ ” |
Example.
“What's going on here then? They wouldn't let me go down Tosspot Alley” becomes “Wot's goin on ere thun? They wudden lerrus doon Tussput Ulley!”