===== I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General =====
- from Gilbert and Sullivan's 1879 comic opera //The Pirates of Penzance// -

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,((Now that this has been posted here, //please// don't post it in-game anymore. Seriously. It's been done to death. It just isn't funny anymore.))((Or is it.))((If [[characters:player:kuhsodas|Csodas]] is around, you might get better results with [[https://youtu.be/3x2SvqhfevE?si=BYbdi85riNNMxqs5|I Am the Very Model of a Biblical Philologist]].))\\
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,\\
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical\\
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;\\
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,\\
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,\\
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,\\
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.\\
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;\\
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:\\

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,\\
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.\\

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;\\
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,\\
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,\\
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;\\
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,\\
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!\\
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,\\
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.\\
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,\\
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus' uniform:\\

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,\\
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.\\

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",\\
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,\\
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,\\
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",\\
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,\\
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery,\\
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,\\
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee.\\
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,\\
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;\\

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,\\
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.((try saying that 10 times fast))((Heck try saying that one time fast))((Well, don't be Drunk either.))