items:food:meat [Improbable Island Wiki of Often Not Lies]

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====== Meat ======
Brought to you by old wiki editors((Specifically Kepra, Seor, Antalin, Duphenix, Corinne, Mr. Infrablack, Kuroiten, Reverb, and Rose - this is one of the few with credits!)), we present: the big big big table of meat sources. Someone should probably put some text here explaining what meat actually does and where you can learn to cook, but eh, one thing at a time.((Also some monsters/encounters are currently missing, as the chart stopped being updated in 2017 (I think?). Please add them if you know 'em!))

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===== Rules of Thumb =====
  *If it's human, it probably has 1 Crap Meat, 2 Half-Decent, and 1 Tasty. Exceptions show up depending on how fit/obese the human in question is and how many there are.
  *Fat humans (like Santa) tend to have crap meat, and fit humans tend to have Tasty meat.
   *If it's an object that ought to be inanimate or mechanical, there is no meat. Period.
   *Zombies are generally bad eating. Except the Zombified Luciano Pavarotti; he counts as Human for some reason.
   *Squats at best have 2 half-decent meat, and otherwise usually just have lots of crap meat.
   *Small animals, insects, and microscopic organisms usually only have one slice of Meat; rarely is it worth the Stamina to clean them.
   *The [[characters:monster:Lion]] cannot be cleaned, because the [[characters:monster:Lion]] [[meta:concepts:bastard|cannot be killed]], only [[meta:concepts:sneakybastard|dissuaded]].
   *Remember, you are after Tasty Meat if you're looking solely for Stamina purposes. Try to fill your cooking pot as much as possible. Pad it with Half-Decent if you have insufficient Tasty Meat, or continue slaughtering.
   *If you're looking to sell off your excess for profit, make sure you know which outposts accept which. Kittania accepts only the Tasty stuff (12 req each), SquatHole recycles Crap Meat (2 req) and New Home aims for the middle (6 req), as does New Pittsburgh.((Note that these prices are pitiful and selling meat is generally useless.))
   *This is Improbable Island, any and all facts here may be lies or at least statistics.

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===== Meat by Level =====
==== Level 1 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| A Pile of Uncooked Meat | 0 | 0 | 5 |
| Angry Squat | 2 | 1 | 0 |
| Anti-Busker | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Bar Fly | 2 | 1 | 0 |
| Disney Historical Accuracy Department | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Evolution's Greatest Failure | 2 | 2 | 3 | 
| Flying Hipster Pig | 0 | 1 | 4 |
| Hiker | 0 | 2 | 2 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //Lions cannot be killed so easily.//  |||
| Little Old Lady | 3 | 1 | 0 |
| Master of Disguise | 2 | 1 | 0 |
| Mouldywarp | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| Old Crippled Beggar((Does this still exist?)) | 1 | 1 | 0 |
| Reginald, Your Paper Boy | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Scotsman Clad in Kilt | 2 | 2 | 0 |
| The Tooth Fairy | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Thing from the Back of the Fridge | 2 | 0 | 0 |
| Your Own Tongue | 0 | 0 | 1 |

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==== Level 2 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Admiral Flufferson | 0 | 2 | 0 |
| Blonde Heiress | 4 | 2 | 0 |
| Crazed Tech Support Rep | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Drunken Nudist | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Fat Butcher | 2 | 1 | 2 |
| Lion |  //I told you, Lions can't be killed so easily.//  |||
| Man from the Ministry | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Mathematician | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Network Sponsor | 1 | 2 | 0 |
| Pope | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Professional Romance Writer | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Rat Pack | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Sinister Dexter | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| SpiderKitty | 2 | 0 | 1 
| The Guy Who Couldn't Beat Tom Carney | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Three French Hens | 0 | 0 | 5 (x3)\\ //15 total// |
| Unicycle Entertainer | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Zombie Puppy | 4 | 0 | 0 |

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==== Level 3 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Cereal Killer | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Dump Truck Operator | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Feral Budget Horse | 2 | 2 | 0 |
| Giant Squat | 4 | 0 | 0 |
| Guy Who Keeps Running Behind You Whenever You Turn | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Half-Centaur | 0 | 1 | 2 |
| Lame Ass | 3 | 2 | 1 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //Nope. Still can't fit a lion in your mouth.//  |||
| Monster At The End of This Path | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Passive-Aggressive Co-Worker | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Religious Zombie | 4 | 0 | 0 |
| Self-Conscious Dwarf | 2 | 0 | 0 |
| Squat Paladin | 2 | 0 | 0 |
| Tall Squat | 4 | 0 | 0 |
| Tour Guide | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Towel-Less Hitchhiker | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Whining Old-school Gamer | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Zen Master | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Zombie Kitten | 5 | 0 | 0 |

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==== Level 4 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Animated Aubergine | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Archaeopteryx | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Bear Strapped to Back of Another Bear | 0 | 0 | 8 |
| Death or Cake Man | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Duck & Penguin in Spats | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Fire-Breathing Kangaroo | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| Generic Monster | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Humongous Giant Clam | 0 | 0 | 6 |
| Kentucky Fried Zombie | 6 | 0 | 0 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //Still no.//  |||
| Occam's Razorback | 3 | 2 | 1 |
| Orc | 7 | 2 | 0 |
| Seven Filthy Thieving Squats((Does this still exist?)) | 10 (x7)\\ //70 total// | 0 | 0 |
| Squat Plumber | 3 | 1 | 0 |
| Unlucky Bastard | 1 | 1 | 1 |

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==== Level 5 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Enchanted Stewpot | 5 | 2 | 0 |
| Felonious Skunk | 3 | 0 | 0 |
| Fiddler on the Roof | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Foreing Traveler | 1 | 0 | 2 |
| Hannibal Lecture | 0 | 2 | 4 |
| Harry, the Gatekeeper's Mate | 0 | 0 | 5 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //Are you even listening to me?//  |||
| Monkey Ghostwriter Franchise | 1 | 2 | 4 |
| Octophant | 1 | 6 | 1 |
| Pizza That Time Forgot | 2 | 0 | 0 |
| Sigmund Freud | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Socktopus | 8 | 0 | 0 |
| Turkey | 1 | 2 | 3 | 
| Violin Suspense | 0 | 2 | 4 |

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==== Level 6 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Ambush Hamster | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Army of Hippopotami | 0 | 0 | 4 (x8)\\ //32 Total// |
| Bettie the Amazing Kung-Fu Butterfly | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Dali the Four-Clawed Lobster | 0 | 0 | 4 | 
| Emu | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //I think that would qualify as treason here.//  |||
| Member of Doktor Improbable Lovers Anonymous | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Metamorphic Mess | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Puppies of a Minor Diplomatic Incident | 0 | 1(x6)\\ //6 total// | 4 (x6)\\ //24 total// |
| Quivering Flesh Heap | 10 | 0 | 0 |
| Pack of Mad Scrabble Players | 1 (x5)\\ //5 total// | 2 (x5)\\ //10 total// | 1 (x5)\\ //5 total// |
| That Cutie From Work | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| The Walrus | 0 | 2 | 3 |
| Uranium Man | 10 | 0 | 0 | 
| Well-Meaning Moron | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Wild Monkeys | 1 (x6)\\ //6 total// | 6 (x6)\\ //36 total// | 0 |

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==== Level 7 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| A G-nother G-nu | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| Albert | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Dingo-Eating Baby | 0 | 0 | 2 |
| Diseased Lung | 6 | 0 | 0 |
| Doggymorph | 10 | 0 | 0 |
| [[characters:npc:emily|Emily the Buxom Barmaid]] | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Gothic Romantic Heroine | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| A Single Sheep |  //False alarm, it's the fucking [[characters:monster:Lion]] again.//  |||
| Rodent of Unusual Size | 4 | 0 | 0 |
| Rogue Orrery | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| [[characters:npc:that_spoony_bard|Seth, the Handsome Bard]] | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Sorority Girl in Nightie | 1 | 2 | 2 |
| Thesaurus Rex | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| Typo Gremlin | 7 | 0 | 0 |
| Velociraptor | 1 | 3 | 0 |
| [[characters:npc:workexperience|Work Experience Lads]] | 2 (x4)\\ //8 total// | 1 (x4)\\ //4 total// | 0 |

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==== Level 8 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Antinlay Igpay | 0 | 0 | 3 |
| Bees and Ants | 10 | 0 | 0 |
| Completely Rational Monster | 10 | 0 | 0 |
| Crab Herdism | 0 | 0 | 5 |
| David Attenborough | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Dirty Chippy | 5 | 0 | 0 |
| Fire Alarm | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Flock of Swallows | 3 | 1 | 0 |
| Gordon the Cheese Eater | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Health and Safety Inspector | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Kierkegaard | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //Eighth time is not the charm.//  |||
| Rind Flayer | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Rude Duplicate Creature | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Stereotypical Severe Nun | 2 | 1 | 2 |
| [[meta:concepts:bigsoap|Totally Baffling Reference]] | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| Weatherman | 1 | 2 | 0 |
| Wild Horses | 0 | 4 (x6)\\ //24 total// | 4 (x6)\\ //24 total// |
| [[characters:monster:you|Your Future Self]] | 1 | 2 | 1 |

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==== Level 9 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Anthropomorphosized Circular Saw Philosopher | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Beholder of the Behinder | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Bicyclops | 2 | 0 | 1 
| Cattywampus | 7 | 0 | 0 | 
| Conglomeration of Probable Creatures | 20 | 0 | 0 |
| Gary Gygax | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Giant Teddy Bear | 3 | 1 | 0 |
| Grammar Police | 2 | 2 | 1 |
| Guerilla Gorilla | 3 | 3 | 0 |
| Insurance Salesman | 1 | 1 | 3 |
| Militant Pacifist | 3 | 3 | 0 |
| Predatory Petitioner | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Red Herring | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Shaggy Dog | 0 | 4 | 0 |
| The Eggman | 1 | 1 | 2 |
| Wolpertinger | 4 | 4 | 0 |

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==== Level 10 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| A flock of primordial chickens | 0 | 8 | 0 |
| Cafeteria Lady | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Diplomat | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Draughtsbeast | 0 | 2 | 4 |
| Flying Helper Monkey | 2 | 2 | 0 |
| Ham Bush | 0 | 0 | 3 |
| Immortal Slasher Villian | 3 | 2 | 2 |
| Interrupting Cow | 0 | 2 | 5 |
| Land Shark | 0 | 1 | 4 |
| [[characters:monster:lion|Panthera leo]] |  //Non poteris comedere leonem.//  |||
| Motorcycle Daredevil | 1 | 2 | 0 |
| Pacifist | 3 | 1 | 0 |
| Reluctant Cannibal | 2 | 2 | 0 |
| Santa | 5 | 1 | 0 |
| Unlicensed Plastic Surgeon | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Vegan Zombie | 6 | 0 | 0 |
| Whale | 10 | 0 | 5 |

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==== Level 11 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Another Goddamn Monster | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| Berserk Gardener | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Bookface | 2 | 0 | 0 |
| Canned Leeches((aka Hover Leech)) | 2 (x6)\\ //12 total// | 0 | 0 |
| Cloud of Reporters | 0 | 10 | 0 |
| Crap Meat | 5 | 1 | 4 |
| Goddamn Aye-Aye | 3 | 1 | 0 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //Perseverance is a virtue in all matters except this one.//  |||
| Mini-Minotaur | 0 | 1 | 2 |
| Moose | 1 | 2 | 4 |
| Phony Psychic | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| S-Trumpet | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Squats with Matching Factory Uniforms | 2 | 2 | 1 |
| Union Member with Seniority | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| [[characters:monster:you|Your Present Self]] | 1 | 2 | 1 |

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==== Level 12 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Araneafelis Gigantea | 0 | 0 | 5 |
| Crafty Joker | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Feral Kittybikes | 3 (x3)\\ //9 total// | 3 (x3)\\ //9 total// | 3 (x3)\\ //9 total// |
| Flock of Fanboys | 4 (x6)\\ //24 total// | 2 (x6)\\ //12 total// | 2 (x6)\\ //12 total// |
| Flying Sea Serpent | 4 | 1 | 0 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //False alarm, there isn't one at this level. Just a lamp. No you can't eat those either.//  |||
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //Never mind. Sneaky BASTARD//  |||
| Pinball Wizard | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Pretentious Jerks | 1 (x3)\\ //3 total// | 2 (x3)\\ //6 total// | 1\\ //3 total// |
| Purple People Eater | 4 | 2 | 0 |
| Robert Catesby | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Society of British Bedstead Men | 1 (x4)\\ //4 total// | 2 (x4)\\ //8 total// | 1 (x4)\\ //4 total// |
| Veteran Player | 0 | 2 | 2 |
| Washed Up Celebrity | 1 | 2 | 1 |

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==== Level 13 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Armoured Housefly | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Canadian Mosquito | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Concerned Parent | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //There's plenty of other things to try and eat out here, you know.//  |||
| Meter Maid | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Oronte | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Panthzer | 0 | 0 | 10 |
| Ravening Bugblatter Beast of Aaaaaaaaarrrgh | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Reluctant Rabbits | 2 | 4 | 2 |
| Smog | 4 | 2 | 4 |
| Snake Oil Salesman | 4 | 4 | 0 |
| Someone Else's Quest Monster | 3 | 2 | 1 |
| SpiderMorph | 7 | 3 | 0 |
| Squat with fungal infection | 4 | 0 | 0 |
| Squat Zombie Mutant | 7 | 1 | 0 |
| The Last Piece of Cake | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Zombified Luciano Pavarotti | 1 | 2 | 1 |

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==== Level 14 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Bumbling Ally | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Jokosquabotantmorph | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //Why don't you try and eat some other type of large cat for a change?//  |||
| Madness Duck | 2 | 3 | 0 |
| Ninjas | 0 | 0 | 4 (x4)\\ //16 total// |
| Seventy-Headed Hellhound | //"A shit ton."//((In other words, 20.)) | 0 | 0 |
| Son of Budget Horse | 1 | 2 | 2 |
| Squats from the Train Station | 12 | 0 | 0 |
| The Unreality of Time | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Three Droogs | 3 | 3 | 0 |
| Urbane Antagonist | 4 | 2 | 1 |
| [[characters:monster:You|Your Past Self]] | 1 | 2 | 1 |

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==== Level 15 ====
^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Adult Mouldywarp | 0 | 1 | 6 |
| Betentacled Horror | 0 | 0 | 5 |
| Copy Cat((See? Much more edible than a Lion!)) | 0 | 2 | 2 |
| Count of Monte Python | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| [[characters:npc:dan_landlord|Dan]] | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Grue | 0 | 5 | 1 |
| Humanmorph | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| [[characters:monster:Lion]] |  //After today's events I once again must stress it is physically impossible to fit an entire Lion in your mouth. //  |||
| Mephistopheles, Duck of Hell | 0 | 3 | 0 |
| People on Streets | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Rejected Monsters | 20 | 0 | 0 |
| Season Three Test Monster | 20 | 0 | 0 |
| The Angler | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Unbeatable Monster | 0 | 0 | 4 |
| Undead Dreaming Catfish God | 0 | 0 | 4 |
| Wizard of Yendor | 1 | 2 | 2 |
| [[characters:monster:You|Your Pasta Self]] | 2 | 1 | 0 |

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==== Level 16 ====
//Search for big trouble while level fifteen.//

^  Name  ^  Crap Meat  ^  Decent Meat  ^  Tasty Meat  ^
| Custodian of the Slushpile of Doom | 1 | 2 | 1 |
| Mongol Hordette | 0 | 2 | 2 |
| Squicky the Bunny | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| This Guy | 2 | 3 | 1 |

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==== Level 17 ====
//These enemies are so deadly, you can't eat any part of them.//

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Incredible but true is the fact that **crap meat** has found its way out of Improbable Island into the real world:
[[http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/129138275877996962.jpg|Crap Meat Sandwich]]((Dead link -- fish this out of archive.org?))