gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole:sh_talent [Improbable Island Wiki of Often Not Lies]

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======Squat Hole's Got Talent======

Sewage and Chlamydia Skronky have hatched up a good idea between them. Squat Hole is bursting with talent. Everybody knows that. Veruca Lynn and Outhouse O'Rilley are world famous. Team Awesome are the envy of everywhere. But, there's still more unseen talent in the Hole.

Sewage and Chlamydia Skronky have decided to stage a //Squathole's Got Tulunt// contest, to showcase Squat Hole's finest acts. Sewage likes the idea of once again showing off what a great metropolis Squat Hole is. Chlamydia likes the idea of lots of custom in Booz.

Chlamydia Skronky looks round at the gathered throng of squats and climbs onto a barrel. “Roit everywun. Welcum to //Squathole's Got Tulunt.// Tonoit we're relly gunna show everywun just wot Squathole's made of.”

Chlamydia Skronky isn't quite sure if she should say something else. She can't think of anything that might need saying, so she moves straight into the first act.

CyberBrony Unit: Xel Unknown pokes her head into Booz. . . Then has the feeling that she shouldn't have. . .

talkydoor sneaks in at the back of the room, acquires a nearly-empty glass and tops it up from a hip flask, ready to be entertained.

The Skronkys' resident mutant reader/writer has been waiting for this. He should have been more suspicious when told that his presence was required, but he was so excited at the idea of getting a chance to read his poetry, that he didn't think.

The Skronkys' mutant Cecil has brought the only copy of his magnum opus Why Doeth The Pope Hate Me So Much? All 243 pages of it. At a sign from Chlamydia he bounds up to the front.

talkydoor's face falls.

Xel Unknown wonders over to Talkydoor as quitely as her Cyberpony body can be. . . Still not sure if she should run screaming from this place yet or not.

Chlamydia Skronky “Roit everywun. Oi wunt a big 'and for Ratpiss Jenkins and 'is knife frowing!” The sound of applause drowns out Cecil's shocked cry as he is suddenly grabbed and tied to a revolving wheel. Ratpiss quickly downs a fifth pint of Wanker to help steady his nerves.

talkydoor grins at the. . . thing approaching her. She mutters, “looks more like it. . .” and returns her attention to the stage.

Xel Unknown does a pony-verson of applause when Cecil is removed. . .

Chlamydia Skronky waits for Ratpiss to steady his nerves, then ties a blind fold onto him. Cecil has a sudden involuntary bowel movement as the wheel he is on is spun. He shouldn't worry. As the target that the blindfolded drunk squat is aiming at, he's probably the safest person in the room.

talkydoor pours a drink for her equine friend, hoping it's a contestant and not somebody's escaped mount. Her eyes don't leave the stage, now things have got interesting.

Xel Unknown would smile if her body could so she just says. 'Thanks.“ And drinks a little of the offered drink.

Chlamydia Skronky steps back and Ratpiss starts throwing. Thwack. A knife whizzes past Xel's nose and embeds itself in a stake holding up the tent. Throw. Halitosis Wilson acquires a pierced nose. Throw. Foetid Robson gets a pierced forehead.

Xel Unknown laughs a Robotic Hollow laugh as her muzzle nearly gets hit.

talkydoor realises belatedly what's going on, and ducks behind an overturned table. Ignoring basic etiquette, she tugs what is probably the pony's tail. “Er. . .”

Xel Unknown says “No need to pull on my tail Ms. . .”

Chlamydia Skronky steps in quickly. “Thunkyu thunkyu. Thuts enuf.” Ching. A knife is embedded in one of the beer barrels. “Oi sed, Thuts ENUFF!” Ratpiss is dragged off and Foetid is dragged out for the Failors, after his wallet has been liberated.

Cecil Twoheads is rolled out of the door, “Can somebody untie me. . .” can be heard getting fainter as he spins down the street.

Xel Unknown calmly drinks some more of her Drink.

Chlamydia Skronky moves quickly on to the second act. “And now we 'ave Squallor Davis!” a round of applause, but no Squallor Davis.

talkydoor pokes her head up carefully. The knives are gone, but now she's pissed off a robot horse. She applauds, politely.

Xel Unknown applauds as well. . . In a Pony way. “Now where's the second act?”

Chlamydia Skronky is surprised. What can have happened to Squallor? It appears that he has been failboated. But when? He was really keen, and was even practicing his chainsaw juggling act before the show. Not enough time to get into a fight or anything.

Chlamydia Skronky shrugs her shoulders. That's a mystery that will have to wait for later. “Um, well. Next on the list is Talkydoor. Is Talkydoor here?”

talkydoor “eek”s and jumps to her feet. “Yes'm. All here, and, er, warmed up, yes.” Hastily, she pulls a sequinned thing more suited to a human physique out of her backpack and puts it on over her battle-stained khakis.

talkydoor has forgotten to warm up, and various joints pop as she strides towards the stage, only tripping over her dress every few steps, drink remaining unspilled.

Xel Unknown says “I shouldn't be surpised that a squat is able to keep their drink form being spilled.”

Chlamydia Skronky “Cun we av a warm welcome for Talkydoor everywun!” There is a another round of cheering and applause, and even a few wolf whistles at the sequin dress.

talkydoor claps for a few seconds before realising that's hardly appropriate, and turns to bow at the audience instead. “Okay. Haven't practised this much. Witness. . . bendy talky the incredible!”

Xel Unknown cheers and applaudes, and even indulges in a little Wolf Whistling that she hopes nobody notices.

talkydoor takes a bow, continuing the movement. Her head is supposed to pop out between her legs in a comical manner, but the rest of her body seems unwilling to bend that way, so follows the head instead in a neat forward roll.

Chlamydia Skronky leads another round of applause at what they believe to be the deliberate forward roll.

talkydoor is on her feet! It's fine. Trying again, she bends forwards into a handstand, legs pushing backwards and head turning towards the audience from between her feet. At this worst moment, her arms give way and she lands, with a thunk, on her chin.

Xel Unknown says “Owwww. . . . .”

talkydoor's body flops onto the floor, stunned. Looks like the big finale is going to have to wait.

Chlamydia Skronky isn't quite sure if Talky is done or not yet. She decides to give it a little while. This is certainly safer than that idiot with the knife throwing.

talkydoor pushes onto hands and knees, performs a bow from this position (more a nod) and crawls to the edge of the stage, hoping for some medicinal brandy, not knowing that with the special high rates for the evening, that will empty her pockets.

Chlamydia Skronky “Thunk yu thunk yu there Talkydoor.” another big round of applause at the best act so far, and also a few more wolf whistles from sequin dress appreciating squats.

Xel Unknown heads over and pays for some Medicinal Brandy for Talky to enjoy. . .

talkydoor accepts the brandy gratefully. “It went better last time.” This was an unspecified length of time ago, maybe even when the dress would have fitted.

Chlamydia Skronky “Und, next, we av Dunghill Green! Hoorah!” Before he came to the Island, Dunghill once saw a magician on the television cut a woman in half. It looked easy enough. Put woman in box. Cut in half. What could possibly go wrong with that?

talkydoor claps with her feet. Her hands are too occupied with nursing the empty brandy glass. She even attempts a quiet “hoorah!”

Xel Unknown says “I've got a bad feeling about this. . . And I'm not sure why. . .”

talkydoor “hmm”s in agreement. “Can't be any worse than the knife one.” She's secretly wondering what the robo-pony's secret talent is, and is hoping it's synchronised dancing.

Chlamydia Skronky steps back as Dunghill even brings his own box with him. “Fur thus uct, I need uh glamourous lady volunteer.” Several squat lasses jump up. “Me!” “Me!” “Yu? Yur not glumurus! 'ee wants me!” “Does 'ee fack! Why would 'ee want sum old trollop in a old sack?”

talkydoor refills her and the pony's glass with more hip-flask liquor, shrinking (it's not hard) to avoid being chosen.

Xel Unknown nods, knowing that her specal talent is modifying Imp-Bombs. . . Not that she'll voice randomly or something and nods in thanks for the glass refilling.

Xel Unknown trys to avoid being called up as well. . . Having a VERY bad feeling about this trick. . .

Bilious Jones, surprised that she hasn't been chosen steps into the fray. “'Ee wants summun glamurus you old motheaten hag!” SLAP! “And that's why 'ee won't want yu!” PUNCH! There is soon a glamourous, sophisticated catfight.

Xel Unknown would totally smile at the catfight if her body could. . . So she's just smiling on the inside as the Cyberpony watches.

talkydoor perks up at the fight, trying to arrange quick bets with the squats around her on the outcome. Clearly, the shortest one will win, having less far to fall and being of greater stability.

The catfight draws cheers from the crowd, believing this to be the next act. After all, fighting is one of the talents that squats are most famous for. Dunghill is caught up in the middle of the fight, and is soon felled. That's his act gone for a Burton.

Xel Unknown happly cheers for the fighting. . .

Effluvia Bird fetches Bilious a threepenny one with a plank previously serving as a table. “Tek thut! Yur as glamurus as uh fackin zombie donkey, wiv 'alf the brains!”

talkydoor thinks her quick handling of money and calculating of odds is definitely worthy of an act in itself, and wonders why she didn't think of it earlier. “Fight, fight, fight. . .”

Chlamydia Skronky ignores the fight and tries to introduce the next act. “And now we 'av' Micro. . .” but is clobbered by a flying pint glass.

Xel Unknown says “In a Second!!! The Fun Catfight's still going on!”

talkydoor cheers. Just generally. There seems to be a lot of movement going on, and the fight has got to the messy anything-within-reach stage, which is always fun to watch.

Chlamydia Skronky is blocked from sight when Microcephalous drags a large cage with a sheet covering it, but is restored to sight when Microcephalous is dragged out of the way by angry patrons keen on watching the catfight.

talkydoor applauds again, both at the fight and the person interrupting on stage. She's frankly a bit confused, and borrows a glass of something sticky from one of the fighters to help.

Chlamydia is now getting stuck in. THUMP! “You wudden know glamurus if it leapt up und bit you on the arse!” WALLOP! “Tek that you mangy old slapper you!

Xel Unknown cheers as well. . . Loving the fighting. . . squat's take Fighting to like an art form they don't even realize they're doing, the Robotic Pony thinks, clearly thinking to much into such things.

talkydoor throws a chair into the melee, helpfully.

Chlamydia Skronky is finally last squat standing as Effluvia is brought low by a chair thrown in by a member of the audience. There is a round of applause. “Thunk yu thunk yu. Nu, wur woz oi? Oh yes. Microcephalous James.”

Xel Unknown gives some happy and strong applause to Chlamydia winning the little fight.

talkydoor looks around for the performer, collecting winnings with one hand and giving out losses with the other. She's never got the hang of betting.

Xel Unknown drinks more of her drink.

Chlamydia Skronky “Nu. Uz yu ull now. Lotz uv people fink uv lions uz Sneaky Bastards. But thuy av tu gu a long way tu out smart a squat!”

talkydoor holds her breath. Then lets it go again, in a cough of stale fag smoke. Still, she's excited. “What do you think? Tightrope? Mud-wrestling?” Her mind goes off on a bit of a reverie with that second thought.

Chlamydia Skronky pauses to let the assembled squats laugh at the idea of anyone or anything outsmarting a squat. “Squatz, oi brung tu yu Microcephalous James - Lion Tamer extror. . .extra. . .fackin shit ot.”

talkydoor gasps in appreciation. “Lion tamer. . . Now that is sneaky.” Her glass gets topped up again, this time while someone is looking the other way.

Chlamydia Skronky points to Microcephalous. “Thunk yu. Ere, un thus cage, oi av a lion wot oi curt meself loik.” with one swift motion Microcephalous pulls the sheet off the cage, and reveals. . .the Skronky Pot. The one that was stolen a few days ago.

talkydoor squints. She can't see a lion, but then that's not a surprise. They are notoriously sneaky.

Cantankerous Biggs, watching from the back, gasps. He'd found the Pot himself, and thought that he'd had it safely hidden round the back of his pad, covered by an old tarp. He then sees a squat close to the cage that he doesn't remember seeing round the Hole before.

talkydoor refills her new equine friend's glass too, while she's at it. These patrons should really look after their drinks more carefully - there are devious people around!

Cantankerous Biggs watches as a large tawny paw appears from inside the unknown squat's sleeve and swipes Microcephalous away into the crowd. Everything appears to go in slow motion as the lion rips off his squat disguise and gives a mighty roar.

talkydoor's mouth falls open. “Ow. . . Er, wow.” She regrets wearing such a visible dress.

Xel Unknown nods in thanks as she uses the Magic of her Horn to drink.

Chlamydia Skronky watches stunned as the lion swipes other nearby squats, but recovers soon enough. “Thut lion uzunt tame yu fackin dick'ead!” Cesspit Williams is attacked and has to choose between fleeing the lion or keeping his pint.

Xel Unknown chuckles. . .

talkydoor backs under a table, wriggling out of her dress as she goes. “Think I'll just. . . rest under here for a bit. Yep.”

Chlamydia Skronky springs into action as the lion eats Cesspit, who is in turn desperately trying to finish his pint. She leaps onto the back of the lion and is soon doing a 'bucking bronco' act of her own. The lion is still batting squats left right and centre.

talkydoor is still watching the show, mouth agape. She cheers for the barmaid, but under her breath, in case the lion comes for her next.

Xel Unknown decides to only help if the Lion goes after her. . . And gets a Tele-Mod-Imp ready to send the Lion gone!

Xel Unknown feels that it would be rude to intervene when it's supposed to be the squat's show after all!

Chlamydia Skronky screams “CAM AN ALP UZ YU FACKERS!” and is joined by other squats jumping in. Many are sent flying but several manage to cling on. The whole thing now looks like a crowd of squats practicing synchronised jumping.

talkydoor pulls out her gun, but quickly realises she'll hit at least five squats for every lion. For a moment, she's tempted.

Chlamydia Skronky and several other squats are brushed off when the lion backs into a tent post, but a few manage to hang on with one hand while punching the lion anywhere that they can reach with the other.

talkydoor throws a glass (empty, of course), but it just bounces off a squat uselessly. She whimpers, wondering how much loyalty she should be feeling to these her kin.

Xel Unknown enjoys the show standing in the back sipping on her drink.

Chlamydia Skronky is still dazed on the floor. The other fighting squats still manage to keep going. Eventually, the lion takes his beating, and manages to make it out of the door.

talkydoor, at this point, gets up and shakes her fist at the lion. “Yeah, and stay out! Yer bastard. . .”

Chlamydia Skronky is still out of it. Booz is completely trashed, with broken bottles, tables, and other items lying around everywhere. Anybody walking in now wouldn't realise that anything unusual had happened at all.

Xel Unknown starts doing the pony verson of claping. “Brovo! Brovo!!!”

Chlamydia Skronky comes to just in time to see Talkydoor shouting at the lion on the way out. “Yu saw thu lion uff ul by yerself?” she turns to the bruised and battered squats who actually did the fighting. “See thus? Thutz thu way tu du it!”

talkydoor takes a bow, a little in fear of the woman. “Yes. Er. . . What?”

Xel Unknown chuckles

Chlamydia Skronky turns back to Talkydoor. “Wull dun. Yu showed these lazy nu-gud cowards. Oil make sure yu gut a reward fur this.” She thinks and then goes behind the bar and pours two Wankers. “Ere av thus.” she hands one to Talky and has the other herself.

talkydoor grins widely. “A reward? Well, in that case. . . It was my pleasure. Anytime. A cat's not going to beat me, nope.” The grin stays as the drink finds its way inside her.

Cantankerous Biggs sneaks off. He's not entirely sure how the Pot came to be in the lion cage, but he doesn't want to be implicated and thinks that it's best to make himself scarce while Chlamydia is involved with Talky.

Xel Unknown says “Well that was quite a show I must say! Loved every and all the Acts!”

talkydoor laughs nervously. “Yes, it was a fine night of entertainment.” Her hand goes to clap Chlamydia on the back, then thinks better of it and ends up scratching her own back in a completely unnatural deception.

Chlamydia Skronky doesn't notice Talky's abortive act of familiarity. But she is pleased about the comments. Once more, Squat Hole's natural superiority has been shown. And she's sure that when she comes to count up the nights takings, that they'll be good as well.

talkydoor has managed not to buy any drinks this evening, but is contributing to the local economy by finishing off other people's and encouraging them to buy another. In this way, she is good custom for Booz and other bars, even if they deny it.

talkydoor goes to shake hands with her fellow observer, then realises the pony doesn't really have hands. Panicked, she pretends to do an elaborate stretch.

Xel Unknown puts up a Hoof to shake. . . Knowing full well what Talky was trying to do, not, as she's pretending to do, stretching.

talkydoor goes from stretch to hoof-shaking happily. “talky. Lion slayer extroadinaire. All-round entertainer. I do birthday parties.” She frowns as the words run away with her a little. “And you are. . .?”

Xel Unknown says “I'm Xel Unknown. . . At the moment I'm a Cyberpony. . . Because of a very fun cross-reality event I had caused with a Tele-Mod-Imp used on the Drive. . .”

Xel Unknown says “Also I enjoy wearing a Pet Collar that's got my name clearly on it.”

talkydoor blinks. There were a lot of words there. “Not some kind of squat then?” She looks around the bar, scratching her head. “Er… good to see outsiders, I guess.”

Xel Unknown says “No. . . I've only been a squat, once in my whole time here. . . Only came in on a whim. Totally happy I did.”

talkydoor nods. “It's the alcohol does that. This place does the best cocktails. Don't listen to what the kitties say, they don't know what they're talking about.”

Xel Unknown says “Well the Kittymorphs do have an alright place I must admit.”

Pirate Queen Carlynne runs in, panting “Shite! Am I tae late?!” she's dragging a chest behind her and looking very sweaty.

Xel Unknown nods to Carlynne. “Sadly yes, you're late to the show. There was a Lion and everything.”

talkydoor waves at the familiar face. “And mud wrestling.” That may have happened just in her imagination.

Xel Unknown says “And I thought that was just a normal Catfight. . . Dam didn't notice the Mud.”

Pirate Queen Carlynne frowns “I was questin' en New'ome an plam fargat 'bout thes shite! Feckin' 'ell!” she waves to Talky “Hoy Talky. I'm sad t've messed et, I am.” she pouts a little, hauling herself onto the chest behind her.

talkydoor shakes her head sadly. “It added a whole 'nother dimension.”

Pirate Queen Carlynne sighs “I was gain' t'dae thes right awesam trick weth sam peng pang balls, I was”

talkydoor blinks a few times. “Well, it's not too late.”

Chlamydia Skronky is still clearing up some deitrus on the bar so that she can actually serve drinks on it. There doesn't seem to be any more acts left, so that's the end of the show for tonight. She looks up as a particularly small squat enters the bar.

Chlamydia Skronky approaches Carlynne. “Ere, dud oi ear yu sayin yu ad anover act fur uz?”

Pirate Queen Carlynne nods “I dae, bet I need a bet af settin' ap, farst” she gestures to her chest.

Xel Unknown says “Another point in time I wish this body could smile. . .”

talkydoor is having a lot of fun in her imagination. “There's still an audience here. It's a pity, you getting all mentally ready and then missing it all.”

Chlamydia Skronky claps her hands for attention. “Ere uvry wun! Yu furt thut that wuz ul dudunt yu? Wull it wuzzunt! Wev saved thu bust till lust loik aven't we? Nu giv er space tu set up loik, und thun we'll av uh big cheer fur CARLYNNE!”

Xel Unknown says “Yay!!! The Pirate Queen herself is going to do something for us!!!”

Chlamydia Skronky turns to Carlynne. “Yu sut up loik, thun lerrus now wun yer ready.”

talkydoor grins, applauds and whistles. She even throws her underwear onto the stage. Or somebody's underwear, anyway. She found it in the jungle. It's a bit bloodstained.

Pirate Queen Carlynne scowls slightly at the introduction. Best for last her arse. Ah well, she's got a talent, she's not passing up the opportunity to do her awesome ping pong ball trick. She shoves her chest over to the stage.. thing.. and kicks it open. Well damn.

The chest swings open to reveal hundreds of ping pong balls, a flashlight, a ceiling fan, and several very mean-looking whips. There are also quite a few candles and some PVC tubing in there. What the hell? Carlynne smiles.

Xel Unknown tilts her head. . .

talkydoor cranes her neck. With the bruising it got earlier, she's not sure it's worth it.

Traveler Cailin dashes into Booz and swiftly finds Xel. “Ok, did I make it in time?”

The squats had returned to the normal drinking with the occasional fight, but now look up curiously at the promised entertainment. The equipment in the chest only whets their interest further.

Xel Unknown nods. “Yep! She's just setting up for whatever she's doin'. . . Pity you missed the Lion though.”

Pirate Queen Carlynne gathers up a few things, most of these things are ping pong balls. One of these things is a whip. Its a whip that's more her size, really. Sure, it's only about a foot long, but it's still very mean-looking and whip-like. Lastly she grabs a bit of silk

talkydoor tuts loudly at all these latecomers. Distracted by what looks like black rubber, she chokes on her drink and the tut is inhaled painfully.

talkydoor tries to look very available. Should the pirate queen need a volunteer, she'll go against years of being picked last for sports and make herself noticed.

Pirate Queen Carlynne kicks the chest shut again, having no use for the other goodies inside. She hides behind her silk, allowing only her silhouette reveal what she's doing. And it is quite the sight. One by one, at least twelve ping pong balls seem to disappear. . .

Pirate Queen Carlynne seems to be.. oh.. god.. how does that? should those even? Sweet mercy.

talkydoor's head tilts.

Xel Unknown's jaw would drop if it could. . .

Traveler Cailin nudges Xel. “Definitely worth the trek. Pity Jack isn't here. . .”

Pirate Queen Carlynne coughs slightly, calling “Awright I'm ready, pull aff th' silk, aye?” a nearby squat, eager eyes on Carlynne, removes the silk, revealing the Pirate Queen's arse, exposed to all. She views everyone, upside-down from between her knees “Ready?”

Xel Unknown slowly nods her head not taking her eyes off the trick.

Chlamydia Skronky watches, quite fascinated by the preparations.

Traveler Cailin's eyes go wide in curiousity.

Chlamydia Skronky remembers that she's meant to introduce acts. “Uvrywun, this iz thu Pirate Queen herself, CARLYNNE!” and leads a round of applause.

talkydoor's jaw drops. This makes it very difficult for her to drink. She manages anyway.

Xel Unknown slowly claps in her Pony way of claping. . .

Pirate Queen Carlynne grunts, taking aim before doing something absurdly complicated. There's a twisty little facial expression and then Ptok . . . tok . . . tok . . . Plop Talkydoor's drink gets a floating friend. The ping pong ball bobs pleasantly.

Traveler Cailin claps loudly, throwing in a whistle. “I have to admit, never seen anything like it!”

talkydoor watches her drink, eyes boggling out. How much will this ping-pong ball sell for? She's already working out the best outpost for resale. . .

Pirate Queen Carlynne repeats her complex little move. Ptok . . . tok . . .tok. . . Ptop There goes another one, to the same location. Ptok. . . tok. . . tok. . . Ptop and a third. . . Such activity continues a whole twelve times.

Xel Unknown says “Nor. . .have. . .I. . .”

talkydoor's drink is overflowing, there being no room for drink anymore. The aim is impressive. talky claps enthusiastically.

Chlamydia Skronky is impressed. This is exactly the sort of really classy act that will really fit right in here. The surrounding squats start to cheer.

Xel Unknown says ”. . .wow. . .”

Pirate Queen Carlynne takes a glance at the audience from between her knees again, grinning widely at the pile of ping pong balls surrounding Talky's drink. She rights herself, whip in one hand, empty bag in the other, she hold both above her head, grinning.

Pirate Queen Carlynne says “An' see, I 'ad right parfect aim th' whal tiem, even thae I was aimin' fram between me legs!” for good measure she whips another ping pong ball at the crowd. What, where did you think they were coming from? Pervert.

talkydoor applauds even more enthusiastically, even standing and cheering. This is exactly what Booz needs more of.

The bar erupts in applause. There are shouts of “Yu cun chuck uz a ball unytime yu wunt luv!”, and other such comments.

Xel Unknown Magic's up 25 req onto Carlynne's things for such an amazing act… She would've given more, but the Bank wouldn't let her!

talkydoor is going to sell these ping-pong balls on regardless. With a bit of salesmanship, they'll be worth a fortune.

Pirate Queen Carlynne bows low to those cheering her on, a big smile on her face. She's never performed that trick for anyone but Jacques before, and even then she had to drink a whole lot, first.

talkydoor puts some req behind the bar, for the Pirate Queen's tab. Of course, it'll be long gone by then, but the thought's there.

Xel Unknown says “Now that was truely amazing. . .”

Pirate Queen Carlynne buys herself a drink as she hops off the stage, she stows her whip and silk in the trunk, winking to Talkydoor “Yee can keep me balls, luv.”

talkydoor grins and stuffs her pockets. “I think there's a market. If you don't mind me massaging the truth a bit.” This concept of massage comes from Julia's, and may not match the dictionary's definition.

Pirate Queen Carlynne shrugs “I dan't care mach, luv. S'lang as y'dan't make me out t'be loose.” Her concept of loose coming from… well, she'll leave that up for Talky's interpretation, really.

talkydoor thinks. “I can manage that.” Her fingers uncross and wrap around a glass. “So. . . when do we get to vote?”

Pirate Queen Carlynne sits on her chest. Partially because it's a decent enough seat, mostly so other people don't steal it.

Xel Unknown says “Well my Vote is for Carlynne's! That was even better then the Lion Bar Fight”

Pirate Queen Carlynne looks to Talky “Did yee dae an act?”

talkydoor nods solemnly. “I would have to agree. Good as I was. . .” A frown crosses her face as she tries to remember her own act, but alcohol has blissfully got in the way. She shrugs.

Xel Unknown says “Talky's act did have her just be laying there for a few minutes. . . On the floor. . .”

talkydoor frowns more. “It did not. I was a. . . chiropodist.” She frowns at her own boots.

Chlamydia Skronky comes over and pats Talky on the shoulder. “Thus squats act wuz thu very bust. She munuged to foit uf a lion single anded loik.”

Xel Unknown says “Anyone can do that. . . I mean sure Lion's are sneaky, but a lot of the time they do lose the Jungle fight. . .”

talkydoor cringes. “I'm sure lots of people fight the lion. . .” Her memory's a bit shaky, thanks to all the alcohol floating around unattended, but there's a lot of guilt involved somehow.

Pirate Queen Carlynne looks impressed at Talky “Tha's right amprassive luv! I'd 'ave luvd t'see yee fight a lian-like!”

Xel Unknown says “Though I do recall there was more fighting then just Talky. . .”

talkydoor finds herself blushing. “Well, it was. . . I don't remember, in all honesty, but it was probably pretty cool.” She flaps a hand at Xel's objection. “A hero's allowed a sidekick, right?”

Pirate Queen Carlynne spits on the floor in Xel's direction “I'm shar falks fight lians all th'time, bet nat avrywan fights lians en a pub, lad. Y'v gat yer 'ead an all wrang. I tell yee. Talky 'ere es a right 'eero like! Fackin' saviar!”

Xel Unknown says “I didn't rase a hoof to deal with that Lion. . . Because this was meant to be the squat's time to shine. And it was a fun show after all.”

Pirate Queen Carlynne nudges Talky's nearest appendage, her wrist, and says “I bet all af Julias es gain' t'apen ap fer yee tanight fer free like” she waggles her eyebrows at her, licking her lips

talkydoor wriggles, uncomfortable with all the attention. “But you're the one who distracted an entire pub. They could probably use you during riots, to keep things civilised. And the knife thrower was very good.” that's in case he's listening.

talkydoor thinks about that. “Wow. Uh. . . I might have to go. . . do something. Important. You know.”

Pirate Queen Carlynne shrugs “Caem nae lass, I already kane me arse cald stap a riat. Th' peng pang balls war anly an extra distractian”

Pirate Queen Carlynne grins even wider at Talky “Oh aye lass, I knae. . . Yee shald gae an' dae et befar yer tae drunk-like!”

Xel Unknown shrugs. . .

talkydoor nods at the pony and the Queen, and bows at the barmaid, still a bit confused about everything that's gone on tonight. Wobbling a bit, she makes for the door.

talkydoor clears her throat. “Goodnight, dear friends. I go to a better place. . .” Yep, that's the end of the speech. She leaves.

Chlamydia Skronky butts in again. “Naw, no elp at ull. Oi shud now. One thung thurs thiz lion sprung frum nowur loik, thun oi gut it und nuxt fing oi know, talkys kickin it oot thu dur loik!”

Chlamydia Skronky “Ah, yu gut tu gow? Wull. Yur remumbered ere loik.”

Pirate Queen Carlynne waves farewell to Talky. She says to Chlamydia “Aye? Tha's right fackin' amprassive! Shite, I wesh I made et 'ere en time t'see tha' shite. Sarry fer bein' sae late-like” she nods, smiling “Yee knae 'ae et es.”

Xel Unknown looks around. “I wonder where Cailin went to. . .”

Chlamydia Skronky is in a good mood from all the extra sales that she's made tonight. “Ack lass, oi knae ow ut iz loik. Dunt yu wurry. Yu gut ere un thu und loik, und put un uh ell uv un uct fur uz when yu did.”

Pirate Queen Carlynne grins “Jackes taught tha' t'me an ar' 'oneymoon, 'ee ded.” she nods proudly.

Chlamydia Skronky “Rully? Mebbe Jacks cun cum und du a trick fur uz wun day. Uf we av unuver uv these noits loik.”

Xel Unknown desides to head out without any fanfare. . .

Pirate Queen Carlynne nods in rapid agreement “Aye! 'ees right fall af tricks, 'ee es! I'll be shar t'tell 'im an' all”

Pirate Queen Carlynne finishes her Wanker, slapping some Req on the table. She leaves, saying “'ave a gaed night, aye?”

Chlamydia Skronky “Und gud noit tu yu tu.” she turns to serve another customer. 

----

For more stories from Squat Hole, see [[gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole|here]].