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| places:outpost:squathole [2025/09/12 20:55] – [The Skronkys] Editing Chlamydia post Julia's disappears. hairy_mary | places:outpost:squathole [2025/09/29 21:27] (current) – [Squat Hole, Home of the Squats] hairy_mary |
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| * **[[places:outpost:building:clanhalls|Clan Halls]]**. | * **[[places:outpost:building:clanhalls|Clan Halls]]**. |
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| * **Julia's Squat Massage**. If you can afford the cover fee,((Cigs only, please.)) [[characters:npc:julia|Julia]]'s place offers the ultimate in physical pleasure and pure hedonism - what better way to relax after a long campaign through the jungle than a nice massage? From her offices on a quiet side street in the Western Quadrant, Julia personally seeks out only the most attractive and talented squats for her establishment, and she employs both female and male squats to meet any possible taste. [[meta:concepts:rumor|Rumor]] has it, one of the woman squats at Julia's is last June's Playsquat Of The Month, and one of the guy squats is the reigning Mr. Nude Squat Hole. Sure, the services are expensive, but you're guaranteed to feel better afterward. Tell her you read about it in the Guide and Julia might give you a discount. Open up to Threat Level Seven. | |
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| * **Booz**. The fourth best pub on Improbable Island. Chlamydia((y'know, like the flower)) the bartender serves 2 drinks. Wanker for 25 req and Mudwisearse for 5. They're the cheapest drinks on the island, because nobody likes walking around Squat Hole with a sack full of req. Dirty Limerick Night is the most popular pubgame in Booz, but "Twice as much or git tae fook" is fun too. | * **Booz**. The fourth best pub on Improbable Island. Chlamydia((y'know, like the flower)) the bartender serves 2 drinks. Wanker for 25 req and Mudwisearse for 5. They're the cheapest drinks on the island, because nobody likes walking around Squat Hole with a sack full of req. Dirty Limerick Night is the most popular pubgame in Booz, but "Twice as much or git tae fook" is fun too. |
| === Buckfast Skonky === | === Buckfast Skonky === |
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| Brother of Sewage and Felony Skronky. Although only a male, and without any official position, Buckfast is still influential in Squat Hole. Even Julia and Mildew are careful to show respect to him in his presence, although the reality of the situation is that their instructions are treated with priority over his wishes. He is quite fond of his great-nephew Thuggins and is working behind the scenes to help secure Thuggins a formal position in the Skronky heirarchy. This seems unlikely to happen however. Thuggins is considered incapable of this work, and is in fact particularly unintelligent, even for a Squat. | Brother of Sewage and Felony Skronky. Although only a male, and without any official position, Buckfast is still influential in Squat Hole. Even Mildew and Chlamydia are careful to show respect to him in his presence, although the reality of the situation is that their instructions are treated with priority over his wishes. He is quite fond of his great-nephew Thuggins and is working behind the scenes to help secure Thuggins a formal position in the Skronky heirarchy. This seems unlikely to happen however. Thuggins is considered incapable of this work, and is in fact particularly unintelligent, even for a Squat. |
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| === Chlamydia Skronky === | === Chlamydia Skronky === |
| Daughter of Sewage Skronky and manager of Skronkys Pot. An ideal Squat for the job, Mildew has won the Squat Hole target hacking trophy for the last three years running and the distance trophy for the last two.((The year before she was beaten into second place by Obnoxious Harvey, who mysteriously disappeared shortly afterwards.)) Mildew is also honourary chief of the //Skronky Pot Protectors Society//, although Sewage herself is the ultimate boss. This organisation is used as the Skronkys muscle when needed. Members of this society can easily be recognised by virtue of the badge they wear advertising the fact. | Daughter of Sewage Skronky and manager of Skronkys Pot. An ideal Squat for the job, Mildew has won the Squat Hole target hacking trophy for the last three years running and the distance trophy for the last two.((The year before she was beaten into second place by Obnoxious Harvey, who mysteriously disappeared shortly afterwards.)) Mildew is also honourary chief of the //Skronky Pot Protectors Society//, although Sewage herself is the ultimate boss. This organisation is used as the Skronkys muscle when needed. Members of this society can easily be recognised by virtue of the badge they wear advertising the fact. |
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| === Julia Skronky === | |
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| Daughter of Sewage Skronky and proprietor of 'Julia's Massage Parlour'. Julia is a Squat of above-average beauty, clean-shaven and close to almost being attractive. She is also a formidable woman and highly loyal to her mother. She is quite a friendly woman (on the Squat scale of friendliness) and sometimes, when in a particularly good mood, doesn't even beat her workers to keep them in order. | |
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| === Nettle Skronky === | === Nettle Skronky === |
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| Daughter of Felony and accountant for the Skronky tribe. One of the few squats with any sort of mathematical ability at all, Nettle is talented enough to have got as far as her four times table. Her skills are put to good use keeping a close eye on supplies of meat in Kebabs and Shite, pots of lung butter in the Skronky Pot, and requisition everywhere. | Daughter of Felony and accountant for the Skronky tribe. One of the few Squats with any sort of mathematical ability at all, Nettle is talented enough to have got as far as her four times table. Her skills are put to good use keeping a close eye on supplies of meat in Kebabs and Shite, pots of lung butter in the Skronky Pot, and requisition everywhere. |
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| === Wasp Skronky === | === Wasp Skronky === |
| Daughter of Felony. A shadowy figure, Wasp is the Skronky's spymaster, and has an extensive network of spies. She has attempted to plant a spy behind the bar in the Prancing Spider Kitty on numerous occasions, however sooner or later, and usually sooner, they end up getting sacked for fighting and breaking furniture, or else for thieving, either beer, or directly from the till. Scumbelly Perkins who was a bouncer at the Spider Kitty was one such attempt, he now works as a spy in the union. Wasp has also attempted to infiltrate various clans with limited success. | Daughter of Felony. A shadowy figure, Wasp is the Skronky's spymaster, and has an extensive network of spies. She has attempted to plant a spy behind the bar in the Prancing Spider Kitty on numerous occasions, however sooner or later, and usually sooner, they end up getting sacked for fighting and breaking furniture, or else for thieving, either beer, or directly from the till. Scumbelly Perkins who was a bouncer at the Spider Kitty was one such attempt, he now works as a spy in the union. Wasp has also attempted to infiltrate various clans with limited success. |
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| Most of Wasps spies are 'sitting spies', tending to hang around in key places listening in on other peoples conversation. They believe themselves good at disguising themselves, blending in with the background and going unnoticed. They seem to think that they are nearly invisible when wearing their false noses, unaware that in reality, people are just pretending not to notice them because they really don't want to get involved with Squats, especially ones who appear to have rotting parsnips tied onto the front of their faces. | Most of Wasp's spies are 'sitting spies', tending to hang around in key places listening in on other peoples conversation. They believe themselves good at disguising themselves, blending in with the background and going unnoticed. They seem to think that they are nearly invisible when wearing their false noses, unaware that in reality, people are just pretending not to notice them because they really don't want to get involved with Squats, especially ones who appear to have rotting parsnips tied onto the front of their faces. |
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| The false noses are just one of many gadgets invented for Wasp by Shagnasty McAlistair, the Skronky's gadget man (see below). Other useful pieces of kit include a range of different disguises and covert weaponry. | The false noses are just one of many gadgets invented for Wasp by Shagnasty McAlistair, the Skronkys' gadget man (see below). Other useful pieces of kit include a range of different disguises and covert weaponry. |
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| Wasp also has one or two more 'roving spies' who she uses for special missions. Foremost of these is Outhouse O'Leary, see below, she has also on occasion used Cantankerous Biggs. | Wasp also has one or two more 'roving spies' who she uses for special missions. Foremost of these is Outhouse O'Leary, see below, she has also on occasion used Cantankerous Biggs. |