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gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole:siege_booz [2025/08/19 03:50] – [The Siege of Booz] hairy_marygameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole:siege_booz [2025/10/30 01:47] (current) – [The Siege of Booz] hairy_mary
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-======The Siege of Booz======+====== The Siege of Booz ======
  
-====Preface - Squat Hole Town Centre====+ 
 +==== Preface - Squat Hole Town Centre ====
  
 Cantankerous Biggs is supposed to be on duty guarding the main gate to Squat Hole. But the monsters are lying low tonight and quite frankly, he'd rather be enjoying a pint and punch up in Booz. However, orders are orders. Cantankerous Biggs is supposed to be on duty guarding the main gate to Squat Hole. But the monsters are lying low tonight and quite frankly, he'd rather be enjoying a pint and punch up in Booz. However, orders are orders.
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 Cantankerous Biggs has tried arguing that if any invaders come in, then Booz is their most likely target, being as it is the most important and valuable building in the whole of Squat Hole. In his eyes at least. Cantankerous Biggs has tried arguing that if any invaders come in, then Booz is their most likely target, being as it is the most important and valuable building in the whole of Squat Hole. In his eyes at least.
  
-Big Su Skronky disagreed with this analysis however, and made her opinions on the subject very clear to Biggs. The Skronky Pot is equally important to her, as is the Massage Parlour. Futhermore, Biggs is going to “Fackin wull stuy wur eezm put. Un thu fackin gate”+Big Su Skronky disagreed with this analysis however, and made her opinions on the subject very clear to Biggs. The Skronky Pot is equally important to her. Futhermore, Biggs is going to "Fookin' well stay where 'ez been put, On the fookin' gate"
  
 So Cantankerous Biggs is stuck out here kicking his heels doing nothing. His attention is suddenly drawn by a sudden movement. Something comes flying over the gate from outside! Further investigation reveals that it is a half eaten kebab. So Cantankerous Biggs is stuck out here kicking his heels doing nothing. His attention is suddenly drawn by a sudden movement. Something comes flying over the gate from outside! Further investigation reveals that it is a half eaten kebab.
  
-Cantankerous Biggs isn't the sort of squat to let such unexpected manna from heaven go to waste. Very few Squat Holians would. They know the value of good food. He goes over to pick it up, a tasty snack on a cold night's gate watch duty.+Cantankerous Biggs isn't the sort of Squat to let such unexpected manna from heaven go to waste. Very few Squat Holians would. They know the value of good food. He goes over to pick it up, a tasty snack on a cold night's gate watch duty.
  
 Cantankerous Biggs' attention is taken up by what is in fact a cunning decoy, and he fails to notice a small group of shadowy figures sneak in through the gates and up Other Shite Road then hide round the back of the clan halls and the Common Ground entrance. Cantankerous Biggs' attention is taken up by what is in fact a cunning decoy, and he fails to notice a small group of shadowy figures sneak in through the gates and up Other Shite Road then hide round the back of the clan halls and the Common Ground entrance.
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 The McThuggers pick their moment, then strike! Opprobrium runs round to the front of Booz and runs in screaming. Bilge and Belch quickly cut a hole in the canvas at the back and climb in that way. Other family members follow one or the other. The McThuggers pick their moment, then strike! Opprobrium runs round to the front of Booz and runs in screaming. Bilge and Belch quickly cut a hole in the canvas at the back and climb in that way. Other family members follow one or the other.
  
-//Now dear reader, you have a decision to make! You can either continue reading about the siege of Booz as seen from Squat Hole town square, or you can [[Booz_Siege_Inside|read about it from the perspective of being inside Booz]]. The choice is yours! What will you choose? What will you choose?//+//Now dear reader, you have a decision to make! You can either continue reading about the siege of Booz as seen from Squat Hole town square, or you can [[Booz_Siege_Inside|read about it from the perspective of being inside Booz]] The choice is yours! What will you choose? What will you choose?//
  
-====The Siege of Booz====+==== The Siege of Booz ====
  
-Time passes. The New day arrives, and with it, failors bringing back the usual large cart of squats back from the boat. The failors have their customary cigarette while the squats have their customary first fight of the day.+Time passes. The New day arrives, and with it, failors bringing back the usual large cart of Squats back from the boat. The failors have their customary cigarette while the Squats have their customary first fight of the day.
  
 The failors finish their smokes and take the first casualties back to the failboat. The rest of the returnees go to Booz for their morning pint. Pints. The failors finish their smokes and take the first casualties back to the failboat. The rest of the returnees go to Booz for their morning pint. Pints.
  
-The returnees are shocked to find that they can't get in! Word soon goes round. “Booz uz bin tukun uvur!” goes the cry. Such shocking news soon spreads all over Squat Hole.+The returnees however are shocked to find that they can't get in! Word soon goes round. "//Booz 'az been taken over!//" goes the cry. Such shocking news soon spreads all over Squat Hole.
  
-Big Su Skronky comes marching over as soon as the news reaches her. “Wot thu fackz uppnin ere? Chlamydia yu luzy dickhead!” She strides towards Booz, but is repulsed by a bucket of by now cold soapy water thrown at her out of the window. She quickly retreats.+Big Su Skronky comes marching over as soon as the news reaches her. "Wot the fookz 'appenin' 'ere? Chlamydia you lazy dickhead!" She strides towards Booz, but is repulsed by a bucket of by now cold soapy water thrown at her out of the window. She quickly retreats.
  
-Vulgaris McThugger shouts out of the window. “Thutz tu shuw yu thut weez surius! Weez gut Chlamydia und weez gunna huld ur fur runsum!” Big Su is shocked by this turn of events. “Oo thu fack ur yu?”+Vulgaris McThugger shouts out of the window. "That's to show you that we'z serious! Weez got Chlamydia and weez gonna hold 'er for ransom!" Big Su is shocked by this turn of events. "Oo the fook are you?"
  
-Vulgaris McThugger turns round, lifts up her skirt and shows her arse out of the window. A tattoo of a zombie donkey is clearly visible on it. “See thut? Duz thut rung uny bulls?”+Vulgaris McThugger turns round, lifts up her skirt and shows her arse out of the window. A tattoo of a zombie donkey is clearly visible on it. "See that? Does that ring any bells?"
  
-Big Su Skronky gasps. “Thu McFackers!” “Thutz McThuggers.” “Oi suy McFackers!” “Wull Oi suy McThuggers und oiv gut yur Chlamydia tied up in ere! Su wot du yu suy abut thut thun?”+Big Su Skronky gasps. "The McFookers!" "That'z Mc//Thugg//ers." "Oi say Mc//Fook//ers!" "Well Oi say McThuggers and oiv got your Chlamydia tied up in 'ere! So wot do you say about that then?"
  
-Big Su Skronky has to concede a point, much to her annoyance. So she drops the subject and moves onto the important point. “Wot yu wunt thun?” “Wur oldin yur Chlamydia fur uh runsum loik. “We wunt Foiv mulliun recker fur ur sef return!”+Big Su Skronky has to concede a point, much to her annoyance. So she drops the subject and moves onto the important point. "Wot you want then?" "We're 'oldin' your Chlamydia for a ransom loik. "We wantz foiv million recker for 'er safe return!"
  
-Big Su Skronky screeches ”Foiv Mulliun recker? Fur er? Ur yu oot uv yur fackin moind? Oo thu fack wud pay foiv mulliun recker fer er?“ “Fur muuliun thun!”+Big Su Skronky screeches "//Foiv Milliun recker//? For //'er//? Are you oot of your fookin' mind? Oo the fook would pay foiv million recker for 'er?" "Four million then!"
  
-Big Su Skronky ”Fur mulliun recker? Oi wuddunt guv yer two recker und uh bur uv sup!“ Vulgaris goes quiet. Suddenly there is a roar from Booz, followed by a commotion.+Big Su Skronky "//Four million recker//? Oi wuddun't give you two recker and a bar of soap!" Vulgaris goes quiet. Suddenly there is a roar from Booz, followed by a commotion.
  
-Chlymidia Skronky suddenly appears at the window to Booz. “WOT DUD YU SAY?!?” “Yu erd - oim nut gunna fackin pay fur mulliun recker fur yu! Oi wudden pay too recker und uh bur uv sup!”+Chlymidia Skronky suddenly appears at the window to Booz. "WOT DID YOU SAY?!?" "You 'eard - oim not gonna fookin pay four million recker for you! Oi wudden pay two recker and a bar of soap!"
  
 Fluffy Morae pads into the outpost, nose wrinkling a bit. However, she did want to explore and see new things, so she decides to stay, slowly looking around. Fluffy Morae pads into the outpost, nose wrinkling a bit. However, she did want to explore and see new things, so she decides to stay, slowly looking around.
  
-Vulgaris McThugger is suddenly thrown out uv thu window. Several squats are equally suddenly ejected from the door as Chlamydia storms out. “Oim wurth fackin tun mulliun - uh undrud mulliun recker yu fackin dickeaded fackin dickead yu!”+Vulgaris McThugger is suddenly thrown out of the window. Several Squats are equally suddenly ejected from the door as Chlamydia storms out. "Oim worth fookin ten million - a 'undred million recker you fookin' dick'eaded fookin' dick'ead you!"
  
-Fluffy Morae steps back quickly, doing her best to avoid being hit by a flying squat. “What th'fook.”+Fluffy Morae steps back quickly, doing her best to avoid being hit by a flying squat. "What th'fook."
  
-The surrounding squats who have been getting thirsty waiting realise that the way into Booz is suddenly open again. Showing the initiative that squats are famous for they waste no time.+The surrounding Squats who have been getting thirsty waiting realise that the way into Booz is suddenly open again. Showing the initiative that Squats are famous for they waste no time.
  
 Fluffy Morae decides that it might be a good idea to come back another, less busy, day. She backs out of the outpost, making sure not to step on anyone as she leaves. Fluffy Morae decides that it might be a good idea to come back another, less busy, day. She backs out of the outpost, making sure not to step on anyone as she leaves.
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 ---- ----
  
-If you now want to read about this from the perspective of inside Booz, then [[Booz_Siege_Inside|read this]]. +If you now want to read about this from the perspective of inside Booz, then [[Booz_Siege_Inside|read this.]]\\ 
- +For more stories from Squat Hole, see [[gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole|here]].\\ 
-For more stories from Squat Hole, see [[gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole|here]].+For an overview of information resources on the Squats and Squat Hole see [[gameplay:lore:projectsquat:squatholeproject|The Squat Hole Project]].
gameplay/lore/projectsquat/tales_from_the_hole/siege_booz.1755575445.txt.gz · Last modified: 2025/08/19 03:50 by hairy_mary