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--- gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole:party_in_booz [2025/08/14 20:58] – created hairy_mary
+++ gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole:party_in_booz [2025/10/11 17:43] (current) – hairy_mary
@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-======Squat Hole Squaredance======
+====== Squat Hole Squaredance ======
-Chlamydia Skronky looks round Booz. Everything is going…OK. Custom is…average. Acceptable maybe, but not good.
+Chlamydia Skronky looks round Booz. Everything is going...OK. Custom is...average. Acceptable maybe, but not good.
-Chlamydia Skronky has complained bitterly and fruitlessly about Su's new business strategy of allowing independent breweries to operate in Squat Hole, with none of the resulting licensing fee, coming back to recompense for her loss of trade.
+Chlamydia Skronky has complained bitterly and fruitlessly about Su's new business strategy of allowing independent bars to operate in Squat Hole, with none of the resulting licensing fee, coming back to recompense for her loss of trade.
 To add insult to injury, it seems that Kebabs and Shite has been doing really well recently, a fact that Impudencia has lost no opportunity to mention.
 Big Su Skronky has been impressed with this and has also lost few opportunities to point this out to Chlamydia, going so far as to suggest that she might like to take tips from Impudencia.
-Chlamydia Skronky has in fact barely managed to avoid having some of Impudencia's ideas foisted upon her, pointing out that while offering “uh litur uv grease wiv uvry meal” might work well with food, it is likely to work less well with beer.
+Chlamydia Skronky has in fact barely managed to avoid having some of Impudencia's ideas foisted upon her, pointing out that while offering "a litre of grease wiv every meal" might work well with food, it is unlikely to be so effective when applied to beer.
 Chlamydia Skronky is now fed up to the back teeth with hearing about KnS. She needs to come up with her own scheme for attracting custom to Booz. Mulling this over for a while, she comes up with an idea.
-Time Passes
+// Time Passes //
-Chlamydia Skronky comes out from Booz into Squat Hole town square. Standing on an upturned bin she starts shouting. “UVRYWUN FACKIN LISTUN. PISS UP IN BOOZ. DANCIN, SPUSHUL PROICES NOW! GIT YER ARSES ERE NU!”
+Chlamydia Skronky comes out from Booz into Squat Hole town square. Standing on an upturned bin she starts shouting. "EVERYWUN FOOKIN LISTEN. PISS UP IN BOOZ. DANCIN', SPECIAL PRICES NOW! GIT YER ARSES 'ERE NOW!"
-Word quickly spreads round, and squats flock to Booz, drawn by the promise of “spushul proices”, and mistakenly believing this to mean “cheaper”.
+Word quickly spreads round, and Squats flock to Booz, drawn by the promise of "special prices", and mistakenly believing this to mean "cheaper".
-Inside Booz
+== Inside Booz ==
 Chlamydia Skronky comes back in from the town square, and starts the piss up going. After much consultation with Nettle Skronky, the new prices for this afternoon are set at: Mudwiseacre at 10 req a glass, Wanker for 50 req.
-Chlamydia Skronky waits a few minutes for Booz to fill up with enough squats to get started. First up, a rousing patriotic sing song from Veruca Lynn. “Lerrus av uh pint, squats of Squthul..” she starts the first verse.
+Chlamydia Skronky waits a few minutes for Booz to fill up with enough Squats to get started. First up, a rousing patriotic sing song led by Veruca Lynn accompanied by Outhouse O'Leary the famous Farthorn player. "Lerrus 'ave a pint, Squats of Squat Hole..." Veruca starts the first verse.
-Chlamydia Skronky and the other, already slightly inebriated squats all join in once the chorus is reached. “Thull ulus be uh Squthul. Whul thurs a pile uv shite. Wuruvur thur's a fuller smull jus luckin fer uh foit.” and so on.
+Chlamydia Skronky and the other, already slightly inebriated Squats all join in once the chorus is reached. "There'll alus be a Squat Hole. While there's a pile of shite. Wherever there's a fella small just lookin for uh fight." and so on.
-Chlamydia Skronky has arranged more entertainment. A square dance! Outhouse O'Leary the famous Farthorn player steps up. He has spent the afternoon in training, eating piles of fortnight old brussle sprouts and kebabs.
+Chlamydia Skronky has arranged more entertainment. A square dance! Outhouse O'Leary is called in again to provide the backing music. He knew this evening was going to be a major session and has spent the afternoon in training, eating piles of three month old brussle sprouts and kebabs.
 Cantankerous Biggs, will act as caller, with Scumbelly Perkins using an empty beer keg as a drum. The squats line up in pairs, and the dance begins.
-Cantankerous Biggs calls out. “Ur yu ruddy? Luts GO! Luds furst. Stamp upon yur purtnerz toes - box er firmly un thu nose!” Outhouse parpity parps away as the squats carry out the instructions. The squat lasses want revenge, and don't have long to wait.
+Cantankerous Biggs calls out. "Are you ready? Lets GO! Lads first. //Stamp upon your partner's toes - box 'er firmly on the nose!//" Outhouse parpity parps away as the Squats carry out the instructions. The Squat lasses want revenge, and don't have long to wait.
-Cantankerous Biggs “Nu ludies. Knee yer purtner un thu balls - luft knee, roit knee, dun ee fulls.” the lasses need no second bidding, and there are soon squats rolling on the ground.
+Cantankerous Biggs "Now ladies. //Knee your partner in the balls - left knee, right knee, down 'ee falls.//" the lasses need no second bidding, and there are soon Squats rolling on the ground in agony.
-Chlamydia Skronky fails to notice that the candles lighting the place are starting to burn a funny colour. Booz has good ventilation due to what the squats think of as squat ingenuity, and everybody else calls jerry built rubbish.
+Chlamydia Skronky fails to notice that the candles lighting the place are starting to burn a funny colour. Booz has good ventilation due to what the Squats think of as Squat ingenuity, and everybody else calls jerry built rubbish.
-Chlamydia Skronky's alehouse hasn't got that good a ventilation though, and Outhouse's emissions are starting to build up. Unnoticed by anybody, there is a strange yellowish haze developing in the pub.
+Chlamydia Skronky's alehouse hasn't got //that// good a ventilation though, and Outhouse's emissions are starting to build up. Unnoticed by anybody, there is a strange yellowish haze developing in the pub.
-Cantankerous Biggs “Und thu luds. Poke yer fingers in her eyes - listen closely to her cries.” The bar is full of howls of wrath.
+Cantankerous Biggs "And the lads again. //Poke your fingers in her eyes - listen closely to her cries.//" The bar is full of howls of wrath being listened to.
-Cantankerous Biggs “Guls Grab yer purtnur by thu hair, swing im round, ear im swear.” The air is full of squat cursing, and indeed, the squats themselves. Effluvia Bird's particularly enthusiastic swinging of Asbo Riley catches Bilious Jones in the mouth.
+Cantankerous Biggs "Girls //Grab your partner by the hair, swing 'im round, 'ear 'im swear.//" The air is full of Squat cussing, and indeed, the Squats themselves. Effluvia Bird's particularly enthusiastic swinging of Asbo Riley catches Bilious Jones in the mouth.
-Cantankerous Biggs watches Bilious let go of her partner Testicles O'Brian, who goes flying across the room into another group of dancers, knocking them over like nine pins, and taking out one of the stakes supporting the tarpaulins on the way.
+Cantankerous Biggs watches Bilious let go of her partner Bellicose Wilkinson, who goes flying across the room into another group of dancers, knocking them over like nine pins, and taking out one of the stakes supporting the tarpaulins on the way.
 Cantankerous Biggs is about to call the next verse, but the tarpaulins are coming down, wafting Outhouse's exhaust fumes in waves over the candles. Things start to catch fire, and anyway, the dance is rapidly progressing to it's natural conclusion. A punch up.
-Chlamydia Skronky's pub is now one big brawl, in toxic fumes, smothered in burning canvas. A highly successful party, that will be talked about for weeks to come.
+Chlamydia Skronky's pub is now one big brawl, in toxic fumes, smothered in burning canvas. A highly successful party that will be talked about for weeks to come.
 ----
-For more stories from Squat Hole, see [[gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole|here]].
+For more stories from Squat Hole see [[gameplay:lore:projectsquat:tales_from_the_hole|here]].
+For an overview of information resources on the Squats and Squat Hole see [[gameplay:lore:projectsquat:squatholeproject|The Squat Hole Project]].