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| gameplay:lore:projectsquat:squat_hole_history [2025/09/26 02:14] – [Chapter 5 : Empire of Shite] hairy_mary | gameplay:lore:projectsquat:squat_hole_history [2025/09/28 23:31] (current) – [Chapter 5 : Empire of Shite] hairy_mary |
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| Felony tried to fight back. Her daughter Wasp was set to work as a full time spy and sent out to work hanging around in the Prancing Spider Kitty and other similar locations. At first this worked to some extent, but not enough to work decisively in Felony's favour. Other Squats were recruited to work under Wasp's direction and a whole spy network was formed. However Wasp recruited her spies from the SPPS as these were Squats already known to be loyal to the Skronkys. This was indeed the case, but they were more loyal to Sewage than to Felony. Felony had been outplayed by Sewage and this is how the situation remains today, although Felony hasn't given up trying. | Felony tried to fight back. Her daughter Wasp was set to work as a full time spy and sent out to work hanging around in the Prancing Spider Kitty and other similar locations. At first this worked to some extent, but not enough to work decisively in Felony's favour. Other Squats were recruited to work under Wasp's direction and a whole spy network was formed. However Wasp recruited her spies from the SPPS as these were Squats already known to be loyal to the Skronkys. This was indeed the case, but they were more loyal to Sewage than to Felony. Felony had been outplayed by Sewage and this is how the situation remains today, although Felony hasn't given up trying. |
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| === Ch 5.2 : The Skronky Empire Expands === | === Ch 5.2 : The Skronky Empire Expands === |
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| In the following months, the Skronkys expanded their empire until it reached into all corners of Squat Hole life and beyond. There are plenty of back room gambling dens hidden away in the back streets of Squat Hole, and these are usually run by SPPS members, or if not, then they pay "licensing fees" to the Skronkys, or else do not last for very long. | In the following months, the Skronkys expanded their empire until it reached into all corners of Squat Hole life and beyond. There are plenty of back room gambling dens hidden away in the back streets of Squat Hole, and these are usually run by SPPS members, or if not, then they pay "licensing fees" to the Skronkys, or else do not last for very long. |
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| The Skronkys have tried setting up such gambling dens in other outposts, however most other races realise how badly loaded "Heads we win, tails you lose" is against them and avoid such dens. The one exception to this is AceHigh, where these dens delighted the jokers, but the dens found themselves badly losing despite all precautions to the contrary. After enough requisition, not to mention three SPPS members, had been lost, the Skronkys withdrew their attempts in this direction. | The Skronkys have tried setting up such gambling dens in other outposts, however most other races realise how badly loaded "Heads we win, tails you lose" is against them and avoid such dens. The one exception to this is Ace High. The gambling dens delighted the Jokers but the dens found themselves badly losing despite all precautions to the contrary. After enough requisition, not to mention three SPPS members, had been lost, the Skronkys withdrew their attempts in this direction. |
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| One of the Skronkys' best known businesses was set up by Julia's daughter Impudencia Skronky. Impudencia was a relatively sophisticated squat who travelled widely, sometimes as far afield as Kittiania. In her travels she had seen several of the outposts open food outlets. This gave her the idea of opening such a place in Squat Hole, but with a difference. Her place was going to be a really high quality restaurant. The sort of place where you can go in confident, that no matter what you order, there's always going to be //at least// a litre of grease with it. In fact she decided to make a point of this and provide it as a guarantee. | One of the Skronkys' best known businesses was set up by Wasp's daughter Impudencia Skronky. Impudencia was a relatively sophisticated Squat who travelled widely, sometimes as far afield as Kittiania. In her travels she had seen several of the outposts open food outlets. This gave her the idea of opening such a place in Squat Hole, but with a difference. Her place was going to be a really high quality restaurant. Not the sort of rubbish that they had in Kittiania or Pleasantville, the sort of place where you can go in confident that no matter what you order there's always going to be //at least// a litre of grease with it. In fact she decided to make a point of this and provide it as a guarantee. Impudencia found Sarky Williams and Ergasiophobia Hadfield, two Squats particularly fond of their food, and sent them to train at Maiko's Academy in Kittiania. |
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| Impudencia found Sarky Williams, a squat who was particularly fond of his food, and sent him to Maiko's Academy in Kittania. Sarky worked hard, and after much effort and stress on his part, and indeed Maiko's, he finally made it to level 1 in cooking((There are rumours in Kittania that Sarky never really got this good, and that Maiko merely gave him a certificate to get rid of him. This researcher found supporting evidence for this when he found what the supposed certificate nailed to a wall in K'n'S. Closer inspection revealed that it was in fact an old receipt for payment for a meat delivery, with "Sarky Williams can cook level 1" scrawled on it in pencil.)). This was considered to be all that the kittymorphs could teach him before specialising in squat cuisine, and Sarky was withdrawn for work in Squat Hole. Kebabs 'N' Shite opened shortly after. The squats are proud of their food, and Julia is proud of her daughter's business acumen. There is still much speculation in Squat Hole as to why K'n'S doesn't draw more custom from the 'big' races. | The circumstances surrounding Ergasiophobia leaving the Academy are unclear. Ergasiophobia in an interview with A.Quandle((//An interview with E.Hadfield // Abridged. Note: Searching for the original unabridged transcript of the interview in the hope of a deeper understanding of events is likely to bring disappointment although it will provide plenty of material for researchers into Squat Hole profanity.)) places the fault firmly on Maiko's shoulders. She goes on at some length about Maiko's failings moral, intellectual and physical, as a chef as a teacher and as a sentient being. Maiko herself on the other hand terminates any interview prematurely at the mere mention of the name Ergasiophobia. Perhaps the closest we can get to what happened is in the words of fellow student Sarky Williams who has gone on record as saying "Poor Ergasiophobia just didun 'av' wot it takes. She walked out after a while 'cos she wuzzun' up to it." |
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| Julia now splits her time between running the Squat Squeezes and a 'Recker Porn Theatre' where, for a fee, squats can go and watch a stage show consisting of squat lasses playing with piles of requisition tokens, tucking them saucily into each others pockets, and on special occasions outright throwing them around with abandon. Although obviously only cheap forged tokens are used, the watching squats often don't realise this and the theatre can house some of the wildest nights anywhere in Squat Hole, or indeed anywhere on the Island. Mildew's son Danny is being groomed to take up running this venture leaving Julia free to go back to running the Parlour and perhaps setting up other business ventures. Julia would have rather installed her own son Thuggins in this role, but it is clear to everybody but himself that Thuggins is unintelligent, even by squat standards of intelligence, and there is no way that he would ever be allowed to be in charge of anything at all. | Sarky himself on the other hand worked hard, and after much effort and stress on his part((and indeed Maiko's as well)) finally made it to level 1 in cooking((There are rumours in Kittiania that Sarky never really got this good, and that Maiko merely gave him a certificate to get rid of him. This researcher found supporting evidence for this when he found what the supposed certificate nailed to a wall in K'N'S. Closer inspection revealed that it was in fact an old receipt for payment for a meat delivery, with "Sarky Williams can cook level 1 scrawled on it in pencil.)). This was considered by Impudencia to be all that the Kittymorphs had to teach him before specialising in Squat cuisine, and Sarky was withdrawn for work in Squat Hole. Kebabs 'N' Shite opened shortly after. The Squats are proud of their food, and Wasp is proud of her daughter's business acumen. There is still much speculation in Squat Hole as to why K'N'S doesn't draw more custom from the 'big' races. |
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| The Skronkys' persuasion techniques have grown more sophisticated as well. As well as violence, as an extreme measure, pushing squats into hot soapy baths is sometimes employed. For non-squats, other methods have been developed. | The Skronkys persuasion techniques have grown more sophisticated as well. As well as violence, as an extreme measure, pushing Squats into hot soapy baths is sometimes employed. For non-Squats, other methods have been developed. |
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| One day Wasp Skronky was interrogating a robot who she believed had double crossed her, and the robot was proving recalcitrant. The hot soapy bath trick wasn't working so well on the robot for some reason. At that moment Cyril came into the room, looking for an audience for his latest poem. Wasp was just about to slap him when she noticed the effect that the poetry was having on the robot. This was a revelation, and for the first time in her life, Wasp appreciated the value of poetry. | One day Wasp Skronky was interrogating a robot who she believed had double crossed her, and the robot was proving recalcitrant. The hot soapy bath trick wasn't working so well on the robot for some reason. At that moment Cyril came into the room, looking for an audience for his latest poem. Wasp was just about to slap him when she noticed the effect that the poetry was having on the robot. This was a revelation, and for the first time in her life, Wasp appreciated the value of poetry. |
| One last interesting story from the Skronkys' past remains to be told. Dogend Skronky, as has been noted, works building and maintaining many of the dwellings round Squat Hole. Many, but not all, a fact which he is working hard to change. One day while in the jungle he met an insurance salesman. Dogend was in a good mood at the time, having just had a large lunch of kebab and pizza, and let the salesman waffle on for a little while before beating him up. In this time he heard about fire insurance, getting paid if your house burnt down, and this had given him an idea. | One last interesting story from the Skronkys' past remains to be told. Dogend Skronky, as has been noted, works building and maintaining many of the dwellings round Squat Hole. Many, but not all, a fact which he is working hard to change. One day while in the jungle he met an insurance salesman. Dogend was in a good mood at the time, having just had a large lunch of kebab and pizza, and let the salesman waffle on for a little while before beating him up. In this time he heard about fire insurance, getting paid if your house burnt down, and this had given him an idea. |
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| Not long after this the concept of 'fire insurance' was a hot topic of conversation around Squat Hole, and there was a sudden marked increase in arson attacks in that outpost. This went on until the squats finally realised that- | Not long after this the concept of 'fire insurance' was a hot topic of conversation around Squat Hole, and there was a sudden marked increase in arson attacks in that outpost. This went on until the Squats finally realised that- |
| - Only the owner of a burnt building gets insurance money, | - Only the owner of a burnt building gets insurance money, |
| - Even then they only get paid if insurance premiums have been previously paid, and | - Even then they only get paid if insurance premiums have been previously paid, and |
| - There's no such thing as fire insurance on Improbable Island anyway. | - There's no such thing as fire insurance on Improbable Island anyway. |
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| By the time all this complex information had been digested by the squats, a significant proportion of Squat Hole had been burnt down. Skronky Bros. Constructions 'won' contracts not only for much of the original reconstruction work, but also for the secondary reconstruction work after the original rebuilt homes had fallen over in the first strong wind. | By the time all this complex information had been digested by the Squats, a significant proportion of Squat Hole had been burnt down. Skronky Bros. Constructions 'won' contracts not only for much of the original reconstruction work, but also for the secondary reconstruction work after the original rebuilt homes had fallen over in the first strong wind. |
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| Dogend's income increased sharply and Skronky Bros. Constructions is now considered an important part of the Skronky empire. | Dogend's income increased sharply and Skronky Bros. Constructions is now considered an important part of the Skronky empire. |