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| gameplay:lore:projectsquat:squat_hole_history [2025/09/21 15:27] – [Chapter 3 : Shortfellas - The Skronky Business Empire is Born] hairy_mary | gameplay:lore:projectsquat:squat_hole_history [2025/09/28 23:31] (current) – [Chapter 5 : Empire of Shite] hairy_mary |
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| ===== Chapter 3 : Shortfellas - The Skronky Business Empire is Born ===== | ===== Chapter 3 : Shortfellas - The Skronky Business Empire is Born ===== |
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| This is an appropriate place to pause and list the names and relations of all the Skronkys who were brought to the Island. The first generation of Skronkys consist of Felony, Sewage and Buckfast. Then there's Sewage's children; Dogend, Mildew and Julia. Mildew is in turn the mother of Big Danny, while Julia has two children, Chlamydia and Thuggins. Felony's side of the family consists of her two daughters Nettle and Wasp, together with Wasp's daughter Impudencia. | This is an appropriate place to pause and list the names and relations of all the Skronkys who were brought to the Island. The first generation of Skronkys consist of Felony, Sewage and Buckfast. Then there's Sewage's children; Mildew, Dogend and Julia. Mildew is in turn the mother of Big Danny, while Julia has two children, Chlamydia and Thuggins. Felony's side of the family consists of her two daughters Nettle and Wasp, together with Wasp's daughter Impudencia. |
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| {{ http://enquirer.improbableisland.com/mediagallery/mediaobjects/disp/e/e_the_skronkys,_a_family_portrait.jpg }} | {{ http://enquirer.improbableisland.com/mediagallery/mediaobjects/disp/e/e_the_skronkys,_a_family_portrait.jpg }} |
| ===== Chapter 4 : The Gangs of Squat Hole ====== | ===== Chapter 4 : The Gangs of Squat Hole ====== |
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| === Ch 4.1 : The McThuggers === | The Skronkys weren't the only group of Squats engaged in empire building. The McThuggers (mentioned above) were simultaneously building up their brewing business. Wiping out competeing breweries and gathering ever larger herds of zombie goats to brew with, they had found their own local genius in the shape of Microcephalus "Mike" James, he of //Mike's Chop Shop.// Despite Microcephalus' unorthodox business models, he really did have a knack with animals. He knew exactly where to belt a zombie donkey with a two by four to achieve maximum effect. He was also adept at handling zombie goats and was good at getting the maximum beer per goat ratio - a skill of value to the McThuggers. All of this, together with the natural propensity for a pub to be far closer to the heart of Squat society than a place of work, meant that this family were probably the most respected and influential in Squat Hole. |
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| | At first this was seen as fine example of Squat ingenuity and entrepreneurial skills, qualities which the Squats were proud of and famous for.((To themselves, if no one else.)) Soon however, the Piss House became so popular that the Skronky sisters started to see it as a threat, and more importantly, a source of revenue which they weren't getting. |
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| The Skronkys weren't the only group of squats engaged in empire building. The McThuggers (mentioned above) were simultaneously building up their brewing business. Wiping out competing breweries and gathering ever larger herds of zombie goats to brew with, they had found their own local genius in the shape of Micronoetic "Mike" James, he of //Mike's Chop Shop.// Despite Micronoetic' unorthodox business models, Mike really did have a knack with animals. He knew exactly where to belt a zombie donkey with a two by four to achieve maximum effect. He was also adept at handling zombie goats and was good at getting the maximum beer per goat ratio - a skill of value to the McThuggers. All of this, together with the natural propensity for a pub to be far closer to the heart of squat society than a place of work, meant that this family were probably the most respected and influential in Squat Hole. | The Skronkys paid a visit one evening to make a claim on this income. An income which they saw as rightfully theirs as the "Founding Dynasty of Squat Hole" a conceit which they had been putting about, and now believed themselves.(([[a_short_treatise_on_the_inhabitants_history_and_customs_of_squathole#The origins of Squat Hole|See here for the text of the myth.]])) The McThuggers saw matters in a different light however, and a vigourous debate on the subject followed. The pub was full, and the Skronkys had assumed that the drinkers, being mostly miners in their employ, would naturally take their side in the argument. They were quickly disabused of this belief. First of all, not all the patrons of the establishment were miners. Squat Hole was being used more and more as a base for Squats in the mugging trade, and many of the drinkers in the bar that night were muggers rather than miners. Moreover, the mining population was less loyal than the Skronkys believed. The mines offered work, but the Pisshouse offered Mudwiseacre and Wanker, which was rather more important. Felony only paid a pittance to her workforce, believing in the power of the stick over that of the carrot, and the miners had slowly become aware that their brothers working the mugging routes were able to drink longer before running out of requisition. Resentment had been growing, and it boiled over that night. The Skronkys were defenestrated.((The riot carried on and completely wrecked the pub as well, but that was just a routine Friday night in Squat Hole, and the difference that it made to the Pisshouse was invisible to the untrained non-Squat eye.)) |
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| At first this was seen as fine example of squat ingenuity and entrepreneurial skills, qualities which the squats were proud of and famous for.((To themselves, if no one else.)) Soon however, the Piss House became so popular that the Skronky sisters started to see it as a threat, and more importantly, a source of revenue which they weren't getting. | This was the start of outright gang warfare between the Skronkys and the McThuggers. The next day, the McThuggers launched a counter attack on the Skronky Pot, which although less prestigous than the Skronky mines, was still a vital part of the Skronky cigarette operation, and far easier to reach. The attack was ultimately unsuccessful, but although the McThuggers were finally repelled, and the pot kept in Skronky hands, a lot of valuable lung butter was lost in the fracas. |
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| The Skronkys paid a visit one evening to make a claim on this income. An income which they saw as rightfully theirs as the "Founding Dynasty of Squat Hole" a conceit which they had been putting about, and now believed themselves.(([[gameplay:lore:projectsquat:a_short_treatise_on_the_inhabitants_history_and_customs_of_squathole#The origins of Squat Hole|See here for the text of the myth.]])) The McThuggers saw matters in a different light however, and a vigorous debate on the subject followed. The pub was full, and the Skronkys had assumed that the drinkers, being mostly miners in their employ, would naturally take their side in the argument. They were quickly disabused of this belief. First of all, not all the patrons of the establishment were miners. Squat Hole was being used more and more as a base for squats in the mugging trade, and many of the drinkers in the bar that night were muggers rather than miners. Moreover, the mining population was less loyal than the Skronkys believed. The mines offered work, but the Pisshouse offered Mudwiseacre and Wanker, which was rather more important. Felony only paid a pittance to her workforce, believing in the power of the stick over that of the carrot, and the miners had slowly become aware that their brothers working the mugging routes were able to drink longer before running out of requisition. Resentment had been growing, and it boiled over that night. The Skronkys were defenestrated.((The riot carried on and completely wrecked the pub as well, but that was just a routine Friday night in Squat Hole, and the difference that it made to the Pisshouse was invisible to the untrained non-squat eye.)) | There was already a small guard installed at the Skronky Pot, to guard against stray burglery attempts, and this was now expanded into a full fighting force, //The Skronky Pot Protector Society//. |
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| This was the start of outright gang warfare between the Skronkys and the McThuggers. The next day, the McThuggers launched a counter attack on the Skronky Pot, which although less prestigious than the Skronky mines, was still a vital part of the Skronky cigarette operation, and far easier to reach. The attack was ultimately unsuccessful, but although the McThuggers were finally repelled, and the pot kept in Skronky hands, a lot of valuable lung butter was lost in the fracas. | |
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| There was already a small guard installed at the Skronky Pot, to guard against stray burglary attempts, and this was now expanded into a full fighting force, //The Skronky Pot Protector Society//. | |
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| === Ch 4.2 : The Fall of the McThuggers === | === Ch 4.2 : The Fall of the McThuggers === |
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| At this time there was a new up and coming generation of Skronkys who were lean and hungry for power.((Well, hungry for power anyway.)) Sewage and Felony were very reluctant to hand over any sort of responsibility to this new generation, unsure whether they had the brains to successfully run the family business. One of the new Skronkys, Felony's daughter Wasp, felt held back. She determined to prove herself, and decided that she was going to take over the Piss House for herself. | At this time there was a new up and coming generation of Skronkys who were lean and hungry for power.((Well, hungry for power anyway.)) Sewage and Felony were very reluctant to hand over any sort of responsibility to this new generation, unsure whether they had the brains to successfully run the family business. |
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| Wasp realised that she was going to get no help from her senior family connections, and so together with her daughter Chlamydia, enlisted the help of another Squat Hole crime family, the Steeks. The Steeks were a minor family, with interests in illicit arms dealing, second hand cigarettes, and the occasional protection racket. They had long tried to break into the booze market, but with no success, and they jumped at the opportunity. | One of the new Skronkys, Su's daughter Julia, felt held back. She determined to prove herself, and decided that she was going to take over the Piss House for herself. Julia realised that she was going to get no help from her senior family connections, and so instead turned to her daughter Chlamydia. |
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| Together this group started spreading malicious rumours that the McThuggers were cleaning the pipes in the Piss House. These rumours were generally disregarded, as squats had been drinking in the Piss House for as long as anyone could remember,((In practice, this means more than a fortnight.)) and had never had any problems with that sort of thing. But, throw enough muck and some will stick, most squats were vaguely aware of the rumours. | Julia and Chlamydia started spreading malicious rumours that the McThuggers were cleaning the pipes in the Piss House. These rumours were generally disregarded, as Squats had been drinking in the Piss House for as long as anyone could remember,((In practice, this means more than a fortnight.)) and had never had any problems with that sort of thing. But, throw enough muck and some will stick, most Squats were vaguely aware of the rumours. |
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| Wasp's next step was to break into the cellar of the pub one night, and spike the barrels with soap. When the pub opened the next morning, squats coming in for their morning 'hair of the doggymorph' were shocked to see their pints full of soap suds. The rumours were remembered and a riot broke out. Wasp had made sure that she, Chlamydia, and some of the Steeks would be there. Together they encouraged the violence and saw to it that the McThuggers were run out of town. After this had been done, Wasp made a rousing speech standing on the bar of the pub, where she promised that the Piss House would be properly run now, that she would see to it personally. The pub was renamed to //Booz//, and the sign was pulled down and replaced accordingly.((It occurred to a few squats to ask how Chlamydia got hold of the sign so quickly. Apparently it was an old sign donated by the //Mourners of Life Poetry Society// in Pleasantville. Still, one must wonder about how the sign had already had the new name painted over the old sign.)) | The next step was to break into the cellar of the pub one night, and spike the barrels with soap. When the pub opened the next morning, Squats coming in for their morning 'hair of the doggymorph' were shocked to see their pints full of soap suds. The rumours were remembered and a riot broke out. Julia had made sure that she and Chlamydia would be there and together they encouraged the violence; seeing to it that the McThuggers were run out of town. |
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| Simultaneously, other members of the Steek family made a move on the McThuggers brewery, and now that the main family members were no longer there to help protect it, successfully took it over. The McThuggers' fate was sealed. Felony and Sewage were bound to take Wasp seriously, and so they did. The sisters were so impressed with Wasp's achievements and consummate political skills, that she was considered virtually on par with the elder family members from then on. She ran the pub, ably assisted by Chlamydia. | Julia then made a rousing speech standing on the bar of the pub, where she promised that the Piss House would be properly run now, that she would see to it personally. The pub was renamed to //Booz//, and the sign was pulled down and replaced accordingly.((It occurred to a few Squats to ask how Chlamydia got hold of the sign so quickly. Apparently it was an old sign donated by the //Mourners of Life Poetry Society// in Pleasantville. Still, one must wonder about how the sign had already had the new name painted over the old sign.)) With the McThuggers out of the way Julia soon took over the brewery, leaving Chlamydia in charge of the pub. |
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| It is rumoured that the McThuggers are still living out in the wilds of Improbable Island as a nomadic tribe of bandits. In fact they have taken up residence in Port Foley where they are again brewing beer and plotting revenge on the Skronkys, looking forward to the day when they return triumphant to take what they consider to be their rightful place as lords of Squat Hole. | It is rumoured that the McThuggers are still living out in the wilds of Improbable Island as a nomadic tribe of bandits. In fact they have taken up residence in Port Foley where they are again brewing beer and plotting revenge on the Skronkys, looking forward to the day when they return triumphant to take what they consider to be their rightful place as lords of Squat Hole. |
| === Ch 5.1 : The Rise of The Skronky Pot Protector Society === | === Ch 5.1 : The Rise of The Skronky Pot Protector Society === |
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| The heart of the Skronky empire was Felony's tobacco ore mines; the Skronky Pot was seen as an important, but secondary part of the whole operation. Sewage chaffed somewhat at playing second fiddle to Felony, and would have moved openly to take over the mines. However after the //Piss House// fiasco, Felony had been nurturing loyalty to herself amongst a small core of miners by making them 'foremen'. These foremen were used principally for persuading rebellious miners who were considering strike action. To help foster loyalty, the foremen were given extra privileges. They were allowed to simultaneously drink and smoke on the job, whereas the rank and file workers were obliged to keep at least one hand free at all times; they could ride the zombie donkeys that were being used in the mines for ore transport; they were occasionally given other jobs going and beating up squats who had incurred Felony's displeasure, and so on. They were even paid a slightly higher allowance. These foremen were told that if Sewage took over, then they'd lose their privileges, and be relegated to the ranks of ordinary miner. This group represented a serious block to Sewage's ambitions.((Throughout squat politics there is a lot of attention paid to size and quality of fighting gangs or //fackas// as they are known. This is quite surprising to the outsider, since it has very little bearing on the outcome of anything at all. Whereas in human society a force of one hundred fighters would have a notable advantage over a gang of twenty say, if squats were in a similar situation then all that would happen would be a fight involving one hundred and twenty squats. All notions of side or reason for fighting would be very soon forgotten.)) | With the threat of the McThuggers dealt with, Felony and Sewage Skronky were free to feud amongst themselves again and feud they did. The tobacco mines were seen as the heart of the Skronky empire; the Skronky Pot was seen as an important, but secondary part of the whole operation and Sewage chaffed somewhat at playing second fiddle to Felony. However with Julia and Chlamydia's acquisition of the McThugger's beer empire,the balance of power had shifted in Su's favour. But Su did not have it all her own way, in terms of manpower Felony was still the stronger of the two. |
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| With the threat of the McThuggers dealt with, Felony and Sewage Skronky were free to feud amongst themselves again. However, the balance of power had been changed somewhat. Felony had been the stronger of the two previously, and with her daughter now controlling the pub, an important institution in Squat Hole life, Felony felt that her position had only been strengthened. However, while she was still the dominant sister, her place wasn't as secure as she believed. Running the Skronky Pot was a relatively easy job, leaving Sewage plenty of time to develop other business interests. The expanding mine workforce needed somewhere to live and Sewage's son Dogend was set to work building shacks for them which Sewage then charged extortionate rents for. These shacks were very shoddily constructed and often blew over in strong winds. The occupants were then forcibly charged for the rebuilding. Other req making schemes were also being pursued. Protection rackets on other beer production operations; brewing and distributing the illicit drug //muse// in Pleasantville and so forth. | After the //Piss House// fiasco, Felony had started nurturing loyalty to herself amongst a small core of miners by making them 'foremen'. To foster loyalty, the foremen were given extra privileges. They were allowed to simultaneously drink and smoke on the job, whereas the rank and file workers were obliged to keep at least one hand free at all times; they could ride the zombie donkeys that were being used in the mines for ore transport. They were even paid a slightly higher wage. These foremen were used principally for protecting the mines against enemy incursions but they were occasionally given other jobs - beating up Squats who had incurred Felony's displeasure, persuading rebellious miners who were considering strike action and so on. The mine foremen were told that if Sewage took over, then they'd lose their privileges, and be relegated to the ranks of ordinary miner.((Throughout Squat politics there is a lot of attention payed to size and quality of fighting gangs or //fackas// as they are known. This is quite surprising to the outsider, since it has very little bearing on the outcome of anything at all. Whereas in human society a force of one hundred fighters would have a notable advantage over a gang of twenty say, if Squats were in a similar situation then all that would happen would be a fight involving one hundred and twenty Squats. All notions of side or reason for fighting would be very soon forgotten.)) The miner's foremen formed a significant block against Su's taking over of the mines. |
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| Furthermore, the nature of the Skronky Pot Protector Society (SPPS) had changed, and changed to Sewage's advantage. What had started as a few bouncers had been built up by Sewage into a large fighting force, used for many more purposes than the nominal protection of the Pot: collecting protection money, burgling various other businesses round the Island, and although the McThuggers had been dealt with, there were still regular attempts by smaller operations to muscle in on the Skronkys' action in a variety of enterprises. | Running the Skronky Pot was a relatively easy job and since Julia had shown her that the next generation might possibly be competant, Su decided to risk leaving her older daughter in charge of the Pot leaving herself with plenty of time to develop other business interests. The expanding mine workforce needed somewhere to live and Sewage's son Dogend was set to work building shacks for them which Sewage then charged extortionate rents for. These shacks were very shoddily constructed and often blew over in strong winds. The occupants were then forcibly charged for the rebuilding. Other req making schemes were also being pursued. Protection rackets on other beer production operations; brewing and distributing the illicit drug //muse// in Pleasantville and so forth. |
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| After the McThuggers had been ejected from Squat Hole, Sewage had been quick to recruit their animal expert, Micronoetic James. Mike's contributions were many, but perhaps the most important was his method of "turbocharging" zombie donkeys by force feeding them an exclusive diet of month old Brussels sprouts. After a fortnight or so of this, the zombie donkeys would have a severe case of chronic flatulence. An SPPS operative finding themself in in a tight spot whilst riding one of these beasts could simply light their cigarette lighter close to the animal's rump and they would be one of the fastest things on the Island. | Furthermore, although Felony had the miner's foremen working for her, Su had the Skronky Pot Protector Society (mentioned above) and the nature of the SPPS had changed, and changed to Su's advantage. What had started as a few bouncers, had been built up by the Squat into a large fighting force, used for many more purposes than the nominal protection of the Pot: collecting protection money, burgling various other businesses round the Island, and although the McThuggers had been dealt with, there were still regular attempts by smaller operations to muscle in on the Skronkys action in a variety of enterprises. |
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| Altogether, Sewage now had her own independent muscle and could operate on a par with Felony. | After the McThuggers had been ejected from Squat Hole, Sewage had been quick to recruit their animal expert, Microcephalus James. Mike's contributions were many, but perhaps the most important was his method of "turbocharging" zombie donkeys by force feeding them an exclusive diet of three month old brussel sprouts. After a fortnight or so of this, the zombie donkeys would have a severe case of chronic flatulence. An SPPS operative finding themself in a tight spot whilst riding one of these beasts could simply spark their cigarette lighter close to the animal’s rump and they would soon be one of the fastest things on the Island. |
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| This marked a change in the balance of power within the Skronkys. To consolidate her position, Sewage needed to have a counterpoint to Wasp, one of her own daughters in an influential position. With her practiced business eye, she had seen an opportunity. Making her oldest daughter Mildew deputy of the Skronky Pot, Sewage took her younger daughter Julia and put her on the game. Julia showed herself to be remarkably suited to this business, and with the help of some dubious promises of wealth and some even more dubious SPPS members, Sewage and Julia soon persuaded a number of other squats to work for them, and they set up Squat Hole's very own Squat Squeezes brothel. | |
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| The advantages of this were threefold. Firstly of course, the direct business and the income of extra requisition and cigarettes into Skronky coffers. Secondly, the natural prestige and influence that accrues to successful and visibly rich squats. Thirdly, as a source of useful information. Wasp had realised soon after taking control of the pub that drink loosened squat tongues,((Not that squat tongues are particularly tight at the best of times, but still, even looser.)) and a lot of valuable information was to be gleaned from listening in on conversations held there. This information enabled the Skronkys to keep a finger right on the pulse of Squat Hole life, and revealed many interesting sources of wealth which they could take a professional interest in. This information came first to Wasp and Chlamydia, and thence to Felony. Only then did Sewage get to hear about it, and so was forced to take the crumbs left behind by Felony and the mine foremen. | Ownership of Booz had an unforeseen advantage beyond the obvious ones; the direct business and the income of extra requisition and cigarettes into Skronky coffers and the natural prestige and influence that accrues to successful and visibly rich Squats. It also offered a source of useful information. Soon after taking control of the pub Chlamydia realised that drink loosened Squat tongues,((Not that Squat tongues are particularly tight at the best of times, but still, even looser.)) and a lot of valuable information was to be gleaned from listening in on conversations held there. This information enabled the Skronkys to keep a finger right on the pulse of Squat Hole life, and revealed many interesting sources of wealth which they could take a professional interest in. |
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| | This information came first to Chlamydia and Julia, and thence to Su. Only then did Felony get to hear about it, and so was forced to take the crumbs left behind by Su and the SPPS. |
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| Squat Squeezes started to serve a similar function. A place where squats, and in this case sometimes other races, would let their guard down and start to let slip all sorts of interesting tidbits. Armed with this information, Sewage, for the first time, could operate on par with Felony not only in terms of muscle, but in terms of information also. | |
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| Felony tried to fight back. Chlamydia was put in full charge of Booz, and Wasp was set to work as a full time spy. In return for a cut of any profits, she was set to work hanging around in the Prancing Spider Kitty and other similar locations. At first this worked to some extent, but not enough to work decisively in Felony's favour. Other squats were recruited to work under Wasp's direction and a whole spy network was formed. However Wasp saw herself as working for the Skronkys as a whole and recruited her spies from the SPPS, as these were squats already known to be loyal to the Skronkys. This was indeed the case, but they were more loyal to Sewage than to Felony. Felony had been outplayed by Sewage and this is how the situation remains today, although Felony hasn't given up trying. | Felony tried to fight back. Her daughter Wasp was set to work as a full time spy and sent out to work hanging around in the Prancing Spider Kitty and other similar locations. At first this worked to some extent, but not enough to work decisively in Felony's favour. Other Squats were recruited to work under Wasp's direction and a whole spy network was formed. However Wasp recruited her spies from the SPPS as these were Squats already known to be loyal to the Skronkys. This was indeed the case, but they were more loyal to Sewage than to Felony. Felony had been outplayed by Sewage and this is how the situation remains today, although Felony hasn't given up trying. |
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| === Ch 5.2 : The Skronky Empire Expands === | === Ch 5.2 : The Skronky Empire Expands === |
| In the following months, the Skronkys expanded their empire until it reached into all corners of Squat Hole life and beyond. There are plenty of back room gambling dens hidden away in the back streets of Squat Hole, and these are usually run by SPPS members, or if not, then they pay "licensing fees" to the Skronkys, or else do not last for very long. | In the following months, the Skronkys expanded their empire until it reached into all corners of Squat Hole life and beyond. There are plenty of back room gambling dens hidden away in the back streets of Squat Hole, and these are usually run by SPPS members, or if not, then they pay "licensing fees" to the Skronkys, or else do not last for very long. |
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| The Skronkys have tried setting up such gambling dens in other outposts, however most other races realise how badly loaded "Heads we win, tails you lose" is against them and avoid such dens. The one exception to this is AceHigh, where these dens delighted the jokers, but the dens found themselves badly losing despite all precautions to the contrary. After enough requisition, not to mention three SPPS members, had been lost, the Skronkys withdrew their attempts in this direction. | The Skronkys have tried setting up such gambling dens in other outposts, however most other races realise how badly loaded "Heads we win, tails you lose" is against them and avoid such dens. The one exception to this is Ace High. The gambling dens delighted the Jokers but the dens found themselves badly losing despite all precautions to the contrary. After enough requisition, not to mention three SPPS members, had been lost, the Skronkys withdrew their attempts in this direction. |
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| One of the Skronkys' best known businesses was set up by Julia's daughter Impudencia Skronky. Impudencia was a relatively sophisticated squat who travelled widely, sometimes as far afield as Kittiania. In her travels she had seen several of the outposts open food outlets. This gave her the idea of opening such a place in Squat Hole, but with a difference. Her place was going to be a really high quality restaurant. The sort of place where you can go in confident, that no matter what you order, there's always going to be //at least// a litre of grease with it. In fact she decided to make a point of this and provide it as a guarantee. | One of the Skronkys' best known businesses was set up by Wasp's daughter Impudencia Skronky. Impudencia was a relatively sophisticated Squat who travelled widely, sometimes as far afield as Kittiania. In her travels she had seen several of the outposts open food outlets. This gave her the idea of opening such a place in Squat Hole, but with a difference. Her place was going to be a really high quality restaurant. Not the sort of rubbish that they had in Kittiania or Pleasantville, the sort of place where you can go in confident that no matter what you order there's always going to be //at least// a litre of grease with it. In fact she decided to make a point of this and provide it as a guarantee. Impudencia found Sarky Williams and Ergasiophobia Hadfield, two Squats particularly fond of their food, and sent them to train at Maiko's Academy in Kittiania. |
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| Impudencia found Sarky Williams, a squat who was particularly fond of his food, and sent him to Maiko's Academy in Kittania. Sarky worked hard, and after much effort and stress on his part, and indeed Maiko's, he finally made it to level 1 in cooking((There are rumours in Kittania that Sarky never really got this good, and that Maiko merely gave him a certificate to get rid of him. This researcher found supporting evidence for this when he found what the supposed certificate nailed to a wall in K'n'S. Closer inspection revealed that it was in fact an old receipt for payment for a meat delivery, with "Sarky Williams can cook level 1" scrawled on it in pencil.)). This was considered to be all that the kittymorphs could teach him before specialising in squat cuisine, and Sarky was withdrawn for work in Squat Hole. Kebabs 'N' Shite opened shortly after. The squats are proud of their food, and Julia is proud of her daughter's business acumen. There is still much speculation in Squat Hole as to why K'n'S doesn't draw more custom from the 'big' races. | The circumstances surrounding Ergasiophobia leaving the Academy are unclear. Ergasiophobia in an interview with A.Quandle((//An interview with E.Hadfield // Abridged. Note: Searching for the original unabridged transcript of the interview in the hope of a deeper understanding of events is likely to bring disappointment although it will provide plenty of material for researchers into Squat Hole profanity.)) places the fault firmly on Maiko's shoulders. She goes on at some length about Maiko's failings moral, intellectual and physical, as a chef as a teacher and as a sentient being. Maiko herself on the other hand terminates any interview prematurely at the mere mention of the name Ergasiophobia. Perhaps the closest we can get to what happened is in the words of fellow student Sarky Williams who has gone on record as saying "Poor Ergasiophobia just didun 'av' wot it takes. She walked out after a while 'cos she wuzzun' up to it." |
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| Julia now splits her time between running the Squat Squeezes and a 'Recker Porn Theatre' where, for a fee, squats can go and watch a stage show consisting of squat lasses playing with piles of requisition tokens, tucking them saucily into each others pockets, and on special occasions outright throwing them around with abandon. Although obviously only cheap forged tokens are used, the watching squats often don't realise this and the theatre can house some of the wildest nights anywhere in Squat Hole, or indeed anywhere on the Island. Mildew's son Danny is being groomed to take up running this venture leaving Julia free to go back to running the Parlour and perhaps setting up other business ventures. Julia would have rather installed her own son Thuggins in this role, but it is clear to everybody but himself that Thuggins is unintelligent, even by squat standards of intelligence, and there is no way that he would ever be allowed to be in charge of anything at all. | Sarky himself on the other hand worked hard, and after much effort and stress on his part((and indeed Maiko's as well)) finally made it to level 1 in cooking((There are rumours in Kittiania that Sarky never really got this good, and that Maiko merely gave him a certificate to get rid of him. This researcher found supporting evidence for this when he found what the supposed certificate nailed to a wall in K'N'S. Closer inspection revealed that it was in fact an old receipt for payment for a meat delivery, with "Sarky Williams can cook level 1 scrawled on it in pencil.)). This was considered by Impudencia to be all that the Kittymorphs had to teach him before specialising in Squat cuisine, and Sarky was withdrawn for work in Squat Hole. Kebabs 'N' Shite opened shortly after. The Squats are proud of their food, and Wasp is proud of her daughter's business acumen. There is still much speculation in Squat Hole as to why K'N'S doesn't draw more custom from the 'big' races. |
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| The Skronkys' persuasion techniques have grown more sophisticated as well. As well as violence, as an extreme measure, pushing squats into hot soapy baths is sometimes employed. For non-squats, other methods have been developed. | The Skronkys persuasion techniques have grown more sophisticated as well. As well as violence, as an extreme measure, pushing Squats into hot soapy baths is sometimes employed. For non-Squats, other methods have been developed. |
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| One day Wasp Skronky was interrogating a robot who she believed had double crossed her, and the robot was proving recalcitrant. The hot soapy bath trick wasn't working so well on the robot for some reason. At that moment Cyril came into the room, looking for an audience for his latest poem. Wasp was just about to slap him when she noticed the effect that the poetry was having on the robot. This was a revelation, and for the first time in her life, Wasp appreciated the value of poetry. | One day Wasp Skronky was interrogating a robot who she believed had double crossed her, and the robot was proving recalcitrant. The hot soapy bath trick wasn't working so well on the robot for some reason. At that moment Cyril came into the room, looking for an audience for his latest poem. Wasp was just about to slap him when she noticed the effect that the poetry was having on the robot. This was a revelation, and for the first time in her life, Wasp appreciated the value of poetry. |
| One last interesting story from the Skronkys' past remains to be told. Dogend Skronky, as has been noted, works building and maintaining many of the dwellings round Squat Hole. Many, but not all, a fact which he is working hard to change. One day while in the jungle he met an insurance salesman. Dogend was in a good mood at the time, having just had a large lunch of kebab and pizza, and let the salesman waffle on for a little while before beating him up. In this time he heard about fire insurance, getting paid if your house burnt down, and this had given him an idea. | One last interesting story from the Skronkys' past remains to be told. Dogend Skronky, as has been noted, works building and maintaining many of the dwellings round Squat Hole. Many, but not all, a fact which he is working hard to change. One day while in the jungle he met an insurance salesman. Dogend was in a good mood at the time, having just had a large lunch of kebab and pizza, and let the salesman waffle on for a little while before beating him up. In this time he heard about fire insurance, getting paid if your house burnt down, and this had given him an idea. |
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| Not long after this the concept of 'fire insurance' was a hot topic of conversation around Squat Hole, and there was a sudden marked increase in arson attacks in that outpost. This went on until the squats finally realised that- | Not long after this the concept of 'fire insurance' was a hot topic of conversation around Squat Hole, and there was a sudden marked increase in arson attacks in that outpost. This went on until the Squats finally realised that- |
| - Only the owner of a burnt building gets insurance money, | - Only the owner of a burnt building gets insurance money, |
| - Even then they only get paid if insurance premiums have been previously paid, and | - Even then they only get paid if insurance premiums have been previously paid, and |
| - There's no such thing as fire insurance on Improbable Island anyway. | - There's no such thing as fire insurance on Improbable Island anyway. |
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| By the time all this complex information had been digested by the squats, a significant proportion of Squat Hole had been burnt down. Skronky Bros. Constructions 'won' contracts not only for much of the original reconstruction work, but also for the secondary reconstruction work after the original rebuilt homes had fallen over in the first strong wind. | By the time all this complex information had been digested by the Squats, a significant proportion of Squat Hole had been burnt down. Skronky Bros. Constructions 'won' contracts not only for much of the original reconstruction work, but also for the secondary reconstruction work after the original rebuilt homes had fallen over in the first strong wind. |
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| Dogend's income increased sharply and Skronky Bros. Constructions is now considered an important part of the Skronky empire. | Dogend's income increased sharply and Skronky Bros. Constructions is now considered an important part of the Skronky empire. |